Early Thursday am

As far as I know they slept well thru the night and contractions have been under control.
Im about to head that way and will post as I know anymore....

Our prayer this morning is that when the Dr takes her off the Magnesium....her body wont go into contractions like on Tuesday night, (1-2 min apart)
We pray her cervix will relax, Kaiya's sac will drain and possibly deliver to get out and away from Roman...and then that Roman will hang on a few more days or more and grow in a safe environment or that his lungs are strong enough when he does come.

Kacey will not be going home and will stay on her antibiotic thru an IV, and if her body adjusts well to no Magnesium they will transfer her to a different floor to be monitored and out of labor and delivery....
Stay tuned...as "His Plan is Revealed"
whit

Latest News

Kacey had some fluid coming out...they tested for amniotic fluid and it was positive.
The Dr. did a sono and saw Kaiya's sack had ruptured.
Roman's sac looks okay and he is still doing great.
They started Kacey on an antibiotic for risk of infection inside.
She will not be going home until Roman is born. This could be anyday or even a few weeks.
Please keep praying and thank you for respecting her space as she is in a bittersweet situation.
Also her phone is maxed out with texts mesgs but she's not checking it at all.
We feel God at work as this amazing plan of His unfolds!

In Hospital! But no visitors please...

This is Aunt Whitney & Aunt Haley
Dustin brought Kacey to the hospital at 2am because her contractions were so bad and 2 minutes apart. This went on until a magnesium drip took effect around 7am. Since they have stayed 11-20 minutes apart. She is also on some pain meds that help her relax and rest. They gave her another steroid shot around 4am. Her newest Dr. was actually on call and has seen her. The magnesium will be stopped around 4am because you can only have it for 24-48 hours and she cant eat or drink while on the mag. She has alot of back labor and a catheter so the pain meds help this as well. She is dilated to a 2.
Please pray for an overwhelming peace and a healthy baby boy! She will be 30 weeks tmw!

We know that Our God has our days ordained before they come to be!

29 weeks!

We saw a well known high risk dr today so we would have a plan b incase I went into labor early because at the hospital my dr delivers they at don't take babies under 30 weeks. The dr today took a look at everything and saw the kidneys and although the fluid looked like it had increased in each kidney he was not concerned. He also said that the amniotic fluid looked normal to him. On his machine it showed Roman measured 2 lbs 10 ounces which is what he weighed last week. He said he wasn't concerned and that that happens when you do measurements every week. Were going to see him again on Tuesday and I asked if he would measure him again then and he agreed to do so. It showed Roman being in the 36th percentile. We'll see what Tuesday reveals. This is the 3rd night in a row where I have had consistent contractions. They start in my lower belly or my back and work their way around. Last night I was having 4 or 5 an hour and they lasted for about for about 6 or 7 hours. When I woke up this morning my back hurt so bad! He told me that I can double my procardia and if I have 6 or more an hour that I can go get an NST at the hospital. He checked to see if I'm dilated and I'm dilated about a fingertip. I am going to continue seeing both dr's and when the time comes...I can pick which one and which hospital I want to deliver at. This way I see them both each week and I'll get 2 opinions! Either way I really like both dr's and know I'm in good hands....Gods hands that is!

This week our worship leader came over along with our life group from church. They said..."if you cant come to church we'll bring church to you!" he brought his guitar and everyone sang a few songs. Our God is greater (I listened to this in the hospital by myself after Kaiya's passing so it was really special when they started singing this song)...How He Loves...and How Great is Our God (the song I sang as my testimony at church after finding out I was pregnant). I was very emotional during the songs but Gods presence in the room was so awesome. All the girls then placed their hands on my belly and prayed out loud while he played more. Then he pointed out how Dustin has had to be the strong one during all this and had to be my rock and howmhard that must be. All the guys put their hands on Dustin and prayed out loud. It was truly an amazing night that was much needed. I love our church family!

Thank you so much for your continued prayers for Romans health and my peace.

Waiting for Roman

Elijah and Aydia came to see me this week while I was on bedrest.  I miss getting to see them as much as I was.  Dustin took them out back to swim!  He will be such a good daddy to Roman! Aydia is full of questions and loved finding Roman's heartbeat!

We can't wait to see the sweet face that fills this hat!

Hello 3rd trimester...so nice to meet you!!!

28 weeks today! I've had 2 appts with the specialist since my last post and 1 appt with my dr (today). At the specialist appt he noted my amniotic fluid being low. Average is 14 cm and mine measured 8.5 on Friday and 7.65 yesterday. The specialist wants to see me on mon and we'll look again. He also noted their being fluid in his kidneys. Under 5 mm is considered normal in boys and mine were measuring 6 mm. It may be no problem at all or there could be a blockage in his urethra that he may have to have a small procedure once he is born. At any rate I'm glad they are keeping an eye on it. It appeared that Romans growth had slowed down last week. He only gained 2 ounces within 1 week. Both dr's didn't seemed too concerned because babies grow at different rates but I was. At todays appt with my dr. Roman measured 2 lbs 10 ounces!!!!! That's 8 ounces in 1 week!! He is now back at the 50th percentile. My next appt is on Monday and we'll go from there. Thank you so much for your prayers!!!! I think I'm going to sleep well tonight!

Worry is a prayer to the devil

Well a new week and some new news. I had my 27 week appt yesterday with my dr. and Roman grew 2 ounces weighing in at 2 lbs 2 ounces. He didn't grow as much as we had hoped but he did grow. They saw some fluid on his kidneys which is a minor concern. They don't want it to be over 7 mm on each and it was 6 mm on each. We met with the specialist perinatloogist this morning. He is going to see me every week-long with my dr. to monitor Roman...his kidneys...and his amitotic sac. His amniotic fluid is a little low but not dangerous at this time. He told me to be prepared each week I see him to be hospitalized if need be. His heart and brain looked good. We did not do the screening test for down syndrome or chromosomal abnormalities at 16 weeks and its too late to do it now. In my heart I feel that Roman is healthy. I know God has created the perfect child for me. He will be perfect in my eyes. Every child God creates has a meaning and a purpose. Kaiya was not an accident and her life holds great meaning and purpose in my life and the life of others. Yesterday after my appt I was a nervous wreck. Worrying is an understatement. I couldn't sleep and the tears kept coming worrying about all the what ifs and what could happen or be wrong etc. With all the stress that Roman is already under I know this was not good for him. Its so hard not to worry when I don't know why Kaiya died...and making sure Roman is moving like he should be...how much movement is enough etc. My cousin Amber had a dream last night. Our grandfather "Big Daddy" came to her and said "Amber Lyne' "worry is a prayer to the devil." This hit home with me. Why worry? It wont do anything good. I have been at much more peace today. I am going to stay positive and hold onto the fact that my son is in my belly and in days I will get to hold him in my arms. My dream that I've prayed for is so close! Years and years of praying and dreaming about my child and now in days I meet him face to face.

Please don't underestimate the power of prayer. I feel your prayers and Roman needs them! God is so close to me right now. He's with me every minute of every day and so is Kaiya! This is where I find comfort.

Home sweet home

Well I came home Tuesday. Since Roman seems to be doing good and I'm not having a lot of contractions they decided to send me home on bed rest and my Dr. will see me every week to do a sonogram...check my cervix...bloodtest to check white blood cell count...feter fiber nectar test...and give me my progesterone injection. I'm taking around the clock medicine to relax my uterus and decreases chances of having contractions. I'll be 26 weeks tomorrow!

I was scared to come home at first...afraid I was going to be a nervous wreck. So far its been quite the opposite. Ive been very relaxed and comfortable. I'm so glad to be back home with my dog Charli! My family and friends have been so amazing! They have worked out a dinner schedule for the next month! My sisters took back the girl clothing I bought where I could get a credit. My dad has started repainting the nursery. My mother and mother in law take turns staying with me while Dustin works half a day. The song thats playing is one that Dustin picked. He said while he was at the gym a few days after Kaiya passed this song came on and he had never heard it. He told my sister who was doing my blog that he wanted this song to be played.

Thank you so much for your prayers! Your support is helping me get through this. What's also helping me get through this is knowing my daughter is with me. God did answer my prayers in giving me a daughter and she'll be my angel to light my way for the rest of my life! Knowing I'll be reunited with her in heaven makes death not so scary. Its hard to describe. I believe she's helping Roman to be healthy and strong. The stories and calls Ive received telling me how her death has brought so many people closer to God and strengthened their faith helps me to make a little sense out of all of this.

The grace of God will never take you where the will of God will not protect you.

My sister in law was in florida at her daughter's church camp serving as a counselor when this happened. She received the call and "lost it". When other counselors heard the news they came to consol her and 3 counselors brought her scriptures that just happened to be from Roman's! They did not know Roman or Kaiya's name. They were Romans 8:28 (And we know that in all things God works for the good of those that love him who have been called according to his purpose) this was my favorite and I want to paint it on his nursery wall. The other two scriptures were Romans 8:18 (I consider that all our present sufferings are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in us); Romans 12:2 (do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-His good, pleasing, and perfect will) It's amazing to see the holy spirit at work. She didn't care much for the name Roman before but loves it now!! At Grandads funeral earlier the preacher closed his burial with a scripture from Romans. At that time we didn't know what we were having but knew if we had a boy wew would name him Roman. My sister in law told me shortly after she heard the news of Kaiya's passing the whole camp of 122 campers met down at the beach on the ocean for a few baptisms. They put a big cross in the middle of the ocean and the sun was setting. After the baptisms they led a prayer with the whole group praying that Roman needs our prayers and how he had lost his sister etc. She said it was amazing....122 kids with their hands raised crying out to God on Roman's behalf. I wish I could have seen this. She then told me she felt the Lord telling her to praise him in this storm. She started to pray aloud praising God and thanking him for Kaiya. Thanking him that she will never go through the pain in this life...that she'll never have her heart broken...that she'll never know disease...that all she ever knew was a mothers love...that she truly is an Angel and what better gift is that!? This is just one of the amazing stories I have heard.

As I still hold Kaiya in my belly I have another sense of peace. The Dr. said the parts of her will absorb into my body. Therefore, in this physical life I will always hold her with me. I'm sure I will have my days to come that will be consumed with sadness for the loss of not getting to raise my daughter and share my life with her here on earth but I pray that I will always revert back to the "bigger picture" and remember that she was not an accident and this is God's Plan. She was never mine and neither is Roman...they are His. They are His children that He has blessed me with as being their mother. So to end this post I will end it by saying I have been BLESSED.

Please continue to pray for Roman's safety and good health.

Great sonogram this morning!

Today's sonogram showed that Roman is growing fast! Since the last sonogram on Tuesday (4 days ago) he's gained 4 ounces! Thats an ounce a day! He's measuring 1 lb 15 ounces! His fluid, heart, brain, stomach, kidneys and everything looked great all down to his fingers and toes! He had the hiccups and has been moving around and kicking like crazy! He's in the 59th % and he's measuring right on target (remember he used to be the smaller baby measuring 3-5 days behind). Sweet Kaiya's sac is still in tact but her fluid is decreasing and her placenta has gotten a lot smaller. They are still right by each other head to head. She's our angel and I feel so lucky to have her in my, Roman, and Dustin's life. I know Roman has and will always have a strong spiritual bond with his sister. Words can't express how much we appreciate your prayers! God has special plans for this little man and we can't wait to meet him. I'm still in the hospital and don't know how long I'll be here but I'll keep ya posted on here.

My prayer for today

Dear Lord,
Help me wait. Help me wait well. I want to be still and allow you to bring Your Plan in my life to it's fullness. I can't do this without you. In Jesus's name, Amen.

25 Weeks Of Faithfulness

Today marks the 25 week marker! God is so faithful and hears our prayers! Dustin, Kacey & Roman are doing well. No other news to report but every week from here on out increases Roman's chances of strong health. A good short term goal would be 28 weeks but we know Roman is our warrior and may run the complete race! Kacey is such a good mommy, trusting in God's loving care.
Her registry is updated at Babies R Us, incase you are wondering what they need. Her showers were scheduled for last weekend and this weekend so we are hoping to still bless them with supplying all their needs before Roman arrives.
Psalm 91:4 "He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."
(updated by Whit & Haley)

Healer-Kari Jobe

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in you
I trust in you

I believe your my healer
I believe you are all I need
I believe your my portion
I believe your more than enough for me
Jesus your all I need

Nothing is impossible for you
Nothing is impossible
Nothing is impossible for you
You hold my world in your hands

Update from Aunt Whit

Our sweet Roman has gained 3 oz and now weighs 1 lb 11 oz. He is doing Awesome praise the Lord!!! Kacey's cervix is holding up and both sacs are still in tact. She will stay in the hospital and will be monitored every 3 or 4 days by sonogram and being monitored twice a day for contractions. Stay on your knees, the Lord is at work!
Psalms 139:14-16 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I that know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

such love

(it's Whitney again)
The emotions my family is experiencing right now are so strange. I cant even try to explain it, but we all feel like zombie's with our hearts exploding inside. And then, when we open our eyes and look around...the love that has poured out for Kacey & Dustin is beautiful! She has a window seal lined with flowers, the smell of them line her doorframe as you enter! Phone calls, and text messages to No End! Prayers that are felt by all of us and the prayers are working...Thank you!!
Roman is active, I saw him bouncing her tummy up and down tonight! Roman means: Strong & Powerful and he is just that! Kacey's Dr. will visit them tomorrow and measure her cervix to see if it has shortened and almost all of the lab work should be back. We may know more after his visit, about when she may be able to do bedrest at home or if she gets to stay there.
I'm so proud of the Rock Dustin is being in His role as Daddy & Husband and to see my sister in her role as a Beautiful Mother, who God is very much at work in and all around her. This is SOME STORY! He is the Creator of all things and the Father of all of us. He knows our pain and He knows our joy.
I read Romans chapter 8 tonight and wish I could type the whole thing, please read it when you are done here. I loved the second half, 8:18-39
but here's a bit for you: Romans 8:28 says "And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him."
We do Praise you in this storm, Jesus!!

please comment your prayers again

Im so sad that I was trying to publish the last 5 comments from you friends and there were some beautiful prayers on there...I accidently hit reject the comments and I cant find them now. If you know how to save them please let me know, or if you dont see your comment, please leave it again. I know it was Lindsey's, & Suzanne's and like 3 or 4 more... Sorry!!!

Update

The neonatologist came in this morning and did a sonogram to look at Kaiya and Roman. He could not see anything on Kaiya that explained what happened. Roman is very active and has a great heartrate. So right now they have Kacey on different meds to help insure that she will not go into labor. Kacey is very sad and very scared but we are all trying to put the grieving aside for now and focusing on the safety of Roman. If the labwork comes back ok and Kaiya's bag does not rupture then the chances are good that Roman will be a healthy baby. Thank you all for your prayers and encouraging words. Please join us in rejoicing with what we still have and not what is lost.

PLEASE PRAY

**This is Whitney, typing for Kacey

Kacey and Dustin went to the Doctor this morning for a routine sonogram of the twins at 24 weeks. Kaiya's heart was not beating and they think it may have stopped a day or two ago because she is now the same size as Roman. Kaiya measures 1 lb 6 oz & Roman is 1 lb 7 oz.


We do not know what caused this or why but Kacey has been admitted to the hospital where she and Roman are being monitored. Everything looks normal, (other than Kaiya's heartbeat is still) Kacey's water has not broken. They have taken blood and are running all kinds of tests. The specialist will see her in the morning to give us his opinion.


We need to pray that Kaiya's sack will not rupture, to open up for infection to Roman and Kacey. Pray for Roman to stay in each day and for protection over him.


Kacey's cervix is now shortend to a 3.46 and her Dr has obviously put her on complete bedrest for now. I will be doing posts every few days as we know more.

Isaiah 46:4
"I am He, I am He who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you"

Psalms 20
1 May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
2 May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
3 May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.
Selah
4 May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.
5 We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.
6 Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand.
7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
8 They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.
9 O LORD, save the king!
Answer [a] us when we call!

Isaiah 40:31
"but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint"

....And so we HOPE in the Lord, who controls everything and has His hand around everyone!
Amen

Adventures in Bedrest!

Oxymoron right? Well, I don't know if I'm tricking my mind into thinking this or not, but I have actually been enjoying bedrest! I think its because its guilt-free bedrest. I'm actually doing whats best for my babies by staying down. Each day now is a gift, and at this point they grow so much from week to week. Hitting 23 weeks is so exciting! I also count myselft blessed to be able to spend each minute with them and not be pre-occupied by other things. I can totally focus on bonding with them each minute of the day!

My friends and family have been awesome! There has not been 1 day where I didn't have a visitor! This last weeks visitors consisted of Beth, Leslie, Lindsey, Sydney, Mom, Lisa, Dad, and my sister. This really helps break up the day. My Dad has been over every day for two weeks working hard on the nursery! This means so much to me :)

Who said you couldn't get anything done on bedrest? I am still doing my calendar and make goals to get done each week. Here is what has been done so far...
-nursery painted
-wood floors in nursery
-ordered chandelier
-ordered cribs
-ordered furniture
-scheduled 3 consultation appts with pediatricians
-ordered curtains
-ordered bedding
-completely registered

Here is all that is left to do...
-schedule maternity shots
-preregister at hospital
-order monitors and install them
-put nursery together (put together furniture)
-finish reading "Baby Wise"-we are going to try our best to raise the twins with these techniques
-have my showers!!! ( I can't wait!!!)

I'm 23 weeks today! I have felt pretty good latetly. Something that was concerning me is that I think I've begun to get Braxton Hicks already, and I think its a little early to get these. I called my Dr. yesturday and they said as long as there is not a pattern of them, then it is normal. I read that these soften your cervix, so hopefully my cervix is still holding up. My next appt is in a week and I'll be 24 weeks and he'll check my cervix again and do the Fetal Fiber Nectar test again to see if I'm at risk of going into labor over the next 2 weeks. We also have another 4D sonogram next week, and I can't wait to see how much Roman and Kaiya have grown!! I know I have grown...because I have now gained 25 pounds!!! (last week was just 22 pounds)

Here's whats happening this week with their growth. I've been able to now see them squirm underneath my clothes! My brother in law Kasey saw this last week and it freaked him out a little bit. I said "you have two kids, and have seen this before!" He said "its still crazy." They should be almost 12 inches in length and should weigh over a pound each! Next week I should have measurements on both of them. It will be interesting to see if Roman is now bigger than Kaiya since he started to grow faster.

This came from some material I read this week and I'll post it as my thought for the week:
God travels through space and time without being bound by it. Let that sink in just a minute. He is already in the middle of your day, in the middle of your tomorrow, and in the center of next week. Surely then, we can trust Him with our days. Surely He can handle whatever problems or emotions may arise this afternoon and this evening.

Dear Lord, You are bigger, more powerful, and more magnificent than I can imagine. I place myself in Your hands today, trusting You wherever I find myself and with whatever comes my way. I love You, and I know that is because You first loved me. Help me show others Your amazing love. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

The three women below have lost their baby/babies right before the 24 week mark. They were all able to hold their sweet angels before they went to heaven. Please take a minute to read their stories and testimonies (on some you may have to look at earlier posts) and pray for them. My heart aches for them and I pray for them everyday.

-roadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com (Rebecca) lost her baby girl Lillian at 22 weeks 6 days just three weeks ago

-angelbabyleila.blogspot.com (Kalialani) lost her baby girl Leila at 23 weeks 6 days thre months ago

-3littlebaileys.blogspot.com (Melissa) lost her triplets girls-Brooklyn, Jillian, and Sydney at 21 weeks 7 months ago

"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you." Matthew 5:4

Blessings, Birthday, and Bedrest!

I'm dividing this post into 3 separate topics. First, I can now announce my other friend who was keeping everything quite until they went to the Dr. If you remember about 4 months ago when I shared my testimony onstage at church, our worship leader Jeremiah played guitar and sang "How Great is Our God" with me. I'm so so so so happy to announce that they recently went down a similar rocky road to start their family and tried for almost 3 years, and now him and his wife Leslie are PREGNANT!!!!! I've begged and pleaded with God to answer their prayers because they are so deserving and will be awesome parents. I thought it was appropriate to share this video again that was done 4 months ago when I had received my great news, but their prayer had not been answered yet. (you may need to press stop on my play list at the bottom so you can hear) Now "How Great is Our God"!? Even crazier...Jeremiah's grandad passed away the day after they found out, and their baby's due date is the same day as his Grandfather's birthday! Now they have their own testimony to share! I love the part where Jeremiah and I both have our hand raised praising God for what He did and what He was going to do!! Ahhh makes me cry watching it! So awesome!!!



Kacey Pierson from landon day on Vimeo.

I do still have some friends that are still on their journey to become parents. Today I received a daily devo that hit home and I want to share a few points from it. In James 1:17 we are told that God our Father gives good gifts to us, His children. Not only does He give good gifts, but He knows perfectly what to give and when to give it. His gifts are not spur of the moment because He forgot that a special day was on its way. His gifts are all about perfect timing. Many of us are asking God for help. We are crying out for something we need. The key is, can we wait patiently, trusting that His timing is perfect? Can we trust that He has our best in mind and is working on our behalf? Sometimes we grow impatient. We want what we want and we want it now. So we make the mistake of trying to get it by ourselves. Have you ever tried to get something by yourself? Is there something in your life that you really want...now? Is there one thing you feel if you could have, your life would be complete? If you could just have that job at that pay, life would be so much better. If God would just open your womb, the emptiness would finally be gone. If He would just heal your broken, cold marriage, your heart would be joyful. If He would just fulfill that lifelong dream, you would be content. Are you tempted to get that thing any way you can no matter what the costs? There are times with all of our prayers He seems to answer "no" or at least "not now." It is here, where our desires intersect His will that we have to trust the Father knows best and every gift comes from Him. Every time, in His time, the gift is good and perfect.I have seen God's perfect gifts in my life as I have waited on Him. Waited on Him for a husband. Waited on Him to open my womb. I see my history with Him and I'm going to choose to keep on waiting for His good and perfect gifts. Dear Lord, waiting on You is so hard! My heart wants to get things moving, step up and take action. Help me to always bring my desires to You, knowing that You always have my best at heart. In Jesus' Name, Amen. To my friends (you know who you are) that are trying to conceive, I pray for you daily and know that God's promise will prevail in His perfect timing.

Well I turn 30 this weekend! I never thought I'd be in bed on my birthday but no complaints here! I don't want any presents this year. Roman and Kaiya are the best presents ever and on my 30th birthday!!! Here are some beautiful flowers that my husband got delivered today and the card said from Dustin, Roman, and Kaiya! They brightened my day!!!
I got this a while ago to hang in my nursery, and these are their first pictures right before they were placed in my uterus!

This is a picture of me and Dustin when we were 2 years old. I wonder who Roman and who Kaiya will look like?

Beautiful flowers I got today :)

I'm so happy to announce that I'm 22 weeks today!!! Each new week I make I let out a deep breath. Ever since my 21 week appt when they saw my cervix had shortened and started to funnel, I decided to post up in bed and stay off my feet. I figure better safe then sorry and any less pressure you can take off your cervix the better. I moved from the couch to my bed and it was really tough at first. Yesterday he saw me again to do a Fetal Fiber Nectar Swab test and to measure my cervix again. The ffn test is a swab that tests for a certain fluid and if it comes back positive they say there's a 40% chance you could go into labor in the next two weeks. If its negative it's like 1% chance that you would go into labor in the next two weeks. He did the test and said they would have results the next day (today). He then measured my cervix and said that whatever I've been doing has seemed to help! There is still a funnel, but my cervix grew .2 cm measuring at a 4 now instead of a 3.8! He said to keep doing what I'm doing. So home I went and straight to the couch! They called this morning saying the ffn test came back negative so that is more reassurance!!! I'm going to continue being on modified bed rest til they see me again in 2 weeks and they'll perform that ffn test at every appt now. So no church, home group, or leaving the house at all. Dustin said he would videotape church every week for me so I won't miss it. My husband, friends, and family have been great! Dustin is doing the laundry, dishes, cleaning, shopping, and cooking! Today my friend Sara brought me lunch, and then my friend Jen brought me afternoon frozen yogurt! So as you can see this bedrest thing isn't all too bad! Like I've said before, I'll do whatever it takes to make the safest environment possible for my babies.

Here's what's going on with them this week!! They are starting to look like a miniature newborn. Their eyelids, eyebrows, and lips are becoming more distinct. They are now tasting what I'm tasting (they kick when I eat frozen yogurt). They can perceive light light and dark. They say if you put a flashlight up to your belly, your baby might react (I want to try this). They are developing tiny tooth buds beneath their gums. Their eyes are formed. They are about 11.5 inches in length and are up to 1 lb or more each!! Momma has actually stayed the same weight this week weighing in at 22lbs gained! I think its because I don't work up as much appetite now. Please keep praying for my body being a good home for my babies til they are healthy to come out! Below are some pictures of the babies from yesterday and my latest belly pics! Have a wonderful week!

Roman's shot

Kaiya's shot

Kaiya's sweet face

Roman's sweet face

Which one do you think this one is? We're not sure! Since they are right by each other he wasn't sure when he took this if it was him or her...

This is a view of the top of both of their heads right by each other!!

21 weeks!

I just got back from the Dr. and my appt went pretty good. Roman and Kaiya look great, and they are both measuring 14 ounces now! So Roman has caught up and Kaiya slowed down just a tad. They are both measuring right on target. Roman was very active like usual with a high heart rate of 158 and Kaiya was pretty chill today with a heartrate of 145. I got to see their cute little toes and fingers, looked at their heart, kidneys, stomach, legs, and confirmed private parts AGAIN!

It appears my cervix has shortened a tad in the last two weeks. Last appt it measured 4.1 cm and today it measured 3.8. He said its still in an ok range, but he doesn't want to see it shorten again. If it does I will be on bedrest. If it shortened to a 2 or below, then I would have a cerclage put in which is a surgery. I really need to take it even more easy than I have been. He said there is a test they can do that gives you a good idea if you may go into labor within the next 2 weeks and we could do that test next time. He said if you're nervous, you can come in next week and we can do it. So of course I said "Yes, I'm nervous" and I have an appt with him to measure it again and do that test next Wed. He said "don't worry, everything will be fine." I feel ok about it.

How far along? 21 weeks!

Baby's size? a little longer than 10.5 inches in length and weighs 14 ounces each!

Weight Gain? 22 pounds!

Maternity clothes? oh yes, but I have been able to find some dresses that are loose in the belly that I've had before and wear them

Stretch marks? none yet but I'm sure they are to come...in the morning I put on Palmer's cocoa butter cream and in the evening I put on bio oil or palmer's oil on my chest, stomach, hips, and butt! I have a ton of veins that are more transparent now, and they are on my chest and stomach.

Sleep? I've been more tired lately, and I've been having back pains and some lower pains (growing pains) in my abdomen.

Foods I am loving? ice cream always sounds good

Foods I am hating? no food aversions right now

Best moment this week? Dustin was able to feel Roman kick!

Movement? Sometimes it feels like they are practicing martial arts as their initial fluttering movements have turned into full-fledged kicks and nudges. About once a day one of them will kick me (or do a somersault) and it literally knocks the breath out of me for a second. Whoever is around me laughs because I let out a quick scream!

Symptoms? I have been having the pregnancy brain more and more, and been forgetting alot of what Dustin has already told me.

Gender? Boy/Girl!

What I miss? What I miss is nothing in comparison to being pregnant!

What I'm looking forward to? The artist that is painting clouds on the ceiling started working on it today, I can't wait to see the finished product!

Weekly Wisdom: Phillipians verse I still play in my mind daily (Philippians 4:6-76-Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.)

Milestones: really looking foward to 24 weeks! only 21 days to go! At 24 weeks they have a 50% chance of viability and my 1st shower will be at 24 weeks and our next 4d sonogram is taking place at 24 weeks! Their faces should be fully developed too!

Emotions: I've known of so many people who have gone into preterm labor at 19, 20, 21, 22, even 23 weeks and have lost their angels just as quickly as they were born. I just can't imagine this. This week, with every odd pain, pulling, back ache etc I begin to worry and can't quit thinking about how indescribably awful this would be. I can't even think of words. I have prayed daily for the few girls I know that have recently gone through this. God has not promised skies always blue, flower-strewn pathways all our lives through; God has not promised sun without rain, joy without sorrow, peace without pain. But God has promised strength for the day, rest for the labor, light for the way, Grace for the trials, help from above, unfailing sympathy, undying love”

Even though I'm more than halfway there (for twins), I still cannot believe that I am pregnant! Times throughout the day I forget that I am pregnant and when I think about it, it still doesn't feel real sometimes! I wonder if I'm like this because I struggled so long with infertility. What's even crazier is the fact that they are twins! Then to take it one step further, that they are a boy and a girl! I read another girl's blog who is carrying boy/girl twins and I feel the same way i\as her...there is no way!! It just doesn't seem real!!! I feel so so so so so so blessed!

Like I've said before, I do not regret 1 day of the hard road it took to get here. I don't know if I would have as much appreciation and thankfulness for what this gift is if I hadn't gone through it. Infertility was such an emotional roller coaster. Each day was a new emotion, and new thought, a new outlook. The first 2 years were the hardest for me. We were so anxious to start a family and with each month that brought a BFN with it came despair, heartbreak, and not very much hope. I would cry myself to sleep, I would question God much more than I would pray to Him, I was so emotional, I made infertility the priority in my life and my marriage, while forgetting about all the important things that I have. The questioning God part was the biggest eye opener for me. I would wonder why it was so easy for people who abuse their children to get pregnant. I came to the realization that life isn't fair, and one day we will understand all of this. As we were coming up to our 3 year mark of infertility I really hit rock bottom. God "prunes" us for the good and His glory, and let's just say I was all "pruned up"! I was so lost. I felt so alone. This burden was not just infertility anymore it was who I became. Infertility had made me someone I did not want to be. I started to pray. I prayed for my marriage. That is the one thing that suffered through all of this. As I began to pray, I could see changes right before my eyes. Finally I had a breakthrough and cried out to God, I could not handle this burden on my own anymore. I completely surrendered to Him, and the night that my friends and family came over to pray with us, I felt the Holy Spirit there, and I will never forget the surreal peace that overcame me. I had a peace in my heart that transcends all understanding, and I was content without a baby for the first time. This all happened as I was beginning the IVF process. I ask myself now, why did I carry it on my own for so long! I at first was in total awe of what God was doing, then I started to realize that He was always there just waiting to lift my burden from me, I just needed to ask. Seek Him and you will Find Him.

If you are going through a very low point in your infertility, please pray. It works in ways you cannot even imagine. Because really what we are all after is happiness, and for a long time happiness to me was one thing, a baby. I have now realized that happiness is loving what you have now, and appreciating all the blessings that we have today and not focusing on what we do not have! God put me through what I went through so I could share my story with others, and in the end His glory did shine through!