Home sweet home

Well I came home Tuesday. Since Roman seems to be doing good and I'm not having a lot of contractions they decided to send me home on bed rest and my Dr. will see me every week to do a sonogram...check my cervix...bloodtest to check white blood cell count...feter fiber nectar test...and give me my progesterone injection. I'm taking around the clock medicine to relax my uterus and decreases chances of having contractions. I'll be 26 weeks tomorrow!

I was scared to come home at first...afraid I was going to be a nervous wreck. So far its been quite the opposite. Ive been very relaxed and comfortable. I'm so glad to be back home with my dog Charli! My family and friends have been so amazing! They have worked out a dinner schedule for the next month! My sisters took back the girl clothing I bought where I could get a credit. My dad has started repainting the nursery. My mother and mother in law take turns staying with me while Dustin works half a day. The song thats playing is one that Dustin picked. He said while he was at the gym a few days after Kaiya passed this song came on and he had never heard it. He told my sister who was doing my blog that he wanted this song to be played.

Thank you so much for your prayers! Your support is helping me get through this. What's also helping me get through this is knowing my daughter is with me. God did answer my prayers in giving me a daughter and she'll be my angel to light my way for the rest of my life! Knowing I'll be reunited with her in heaven makes death not so scary. Its hard to describe. I believe she's helping Roman to be healthy and strong. The stories and calls Ive received telling me how her death has brought so many people closer to God and strengthened their faith helps me to make a little sense out of all of this.

The grace of God will never take you where the will of God will not protect you.

My sister in law was in florida at her daughter's church camp serving as a counselor when this happened. She received the call and "lost it". When other counselors heard the news they came to consol her and 3 counselors brought her scriptures that just happened to be from Roman's! They did not know Roman or Kaiya's name. They were Romans 8:28 (And we know that in all things God works for the good of those that love him who have been called according to his purpose) this was my favorite and I want to paint it on his nursery wall. The other two scriptures were Romans 8:18 (I consider that all our present sufferings are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in us); Romans 12:2 (do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-His good, pleasing, and perfect will) It's amazing to see the holy spirit at work. She didn't care much for the name Roman before but loves it now!! At Grandads funeral earlier the preacher closed his burial with a scripture from Romans. At that time we didn't know what we were having but knew if we had a boy wew would name him Roman. My sister in law told me shortly after she heard the news of Kaiya's passing the whole camp of 122 campers met down at the beach on the ocean for a few baptisms. They put a big cross in the middle of the ocean and the sun was setting. After the baptisms they led a prayer with the whole group praying that Roman needs our prayers and how he had lost his sister etc. She said it was amazing....122 kids with their hands raised crying out to God on Roman's behalf. I wish I could have seen this. She then told me she felt the Lord telling her to praise him in this storm. She started to pray aloud praising God and thanking him for Kaiya. Thanking him that she will never go through the pain in this life...that she'll never have her heart broken...that she'll never know disease...that all she ever knew was a mothers love...that she truly is an Angel and what better gift is that!? This is just one of the amazing stories I have heard.

As I still hold Kaiya in my belly I have another sense of peace. The Dr. said the parts of her will absorb into my body. Therefore, in this physical life I will always hold her with me. I'm sure I will have my days to come that will be consumed with sadness for the loss of not getting to raise my daughter and share my life with her here on earth but I pray that I will always revert back to the "bigger picture" and remember that she was not an accident and this is God's Plan. She was never mine and neither is Roman...they are His. They are His children that He has blessed me with as being their mother. So to end this post I will end it by saying I have been BLESSED.

Please continue to pray for Roman's safety and good health.