Kaiya Skies: Kaiya's Story

The pink heart in the picture was placed on my doorstep about a month ago from a friend whom I've never met in person. It's a beautiful rhinestone heart and when you open it it has Kaiya Faith engraved and Ex. 23:20.With everything she has been through and is going through, it meant the world that she would do something so beautiful for me. I've been praying for her for the past year and I want to ask you to do the same. Her blog address is...

http://www.3littlebaileys.blogspot.com/
She goes to my church and has struggled with infertility and now has lost a total of 5 babies. In 2008 she lost a little girl, Emma at 5 months pregnant. In Feb of 09 she had a miscarriage at 9 weeks. In August of this year, she found out she was pregnant with triplet girls. For the last month, she has been in the hospital on bed rest. She needed to make it 2 more weeks for the girls to have a chance at making it. She delivered them at 22 weeks on New Years day. She got to hold all 3 of them for a couple of hours before they passed. I cannot begin to imagine what they are going through. Please join me in lifting Chad and Melissa up in prayer.

"Kaiya's Story"

The biggest tribute that can be made to my daughter Kaiya would be that if through her story you would come to know our God more fully. I can fully attest that when we prepare our hearts to experience Him, He will prepare our eyes to see Him. I have never felt his presence so near and now I will try to tell her story and make that same presence transparent. When reading Kaiya's story I ask that you will keep this quote in the forefront of your mind. Sit back, grab some hot chocolate and experience what the Lord had me experience.

Many of you know the journey that it took for us to have a child. I named my blog "His Plan Not Mine" last December before ever being pregnant with the Roman and Kaiya. The title of my blog is ironically the theme of Kaiya's story. You can see "my History" below and it gives you "a taste" of the stats, but what it doesn't show you is any of the emotions that I endured during each of those "stats". I want to share Kaiya's story with you and reveal the purpose her life had.
History
6/07-stop birth control start "trying" 2/08-BFP! Miscarriage 5 weeks 12/08-appt with OB-CD 21 bloodtest shows low progesterone. BFP start progesterone supplements. Miscarriage 5 weeks 1/09-appt with RE (reproductive endorcrinologist). Bloodwork-normal. Start Clomid cycle #1. Cancelled due to abnormal shaped uterus found on HSG. MRI reveals severe septate uterus. 2/09-Laparoscopy to rule out endometriosis-stage 3 endo found. Cleared out as much as possible. Ablated endometrioma found on left ovary. Hysterscopy-septum resection. 4/09-Hysterscopy revealed mild septate. HSG to compare. Decided to try before having another surgery. Femera Cycle #1-1 mature follicle-BFN 5/09-Femera Cycle #2-1 mature follicle, trigger shot-BFN 6/09-Femera Cycle #3, 1 mature follicle, trigger shot, IUI #1-BFN 7/09-Femera Cycle #4, menopur injections, 2 mature follicles, trigger shot, 2 back to back IUI's-BFN 8/09-surgery scheduled to remove leftover septate 9/09-hysterscopy-resect septate 10/09-start acupuncture and herbs 11/09-hysterscopy post op shows more scar tissue. Surgery again to remove it. Got as much as they will be able to get. 12/09-IVF consult IVF day 1: 1/25/2010-CD3 sonogram. 19 antral follicles, small fibroid detected. Given the "go" to start IVF. Took birth control pill and had acupuncure-DONE! IVF day 4: 1/28/2010-Acupuncture and Moxa treatment-DONE! IVF day day 8: 2/1/2010-Acupuncture and Moxa treatment. Injection training. 1st Lupron shot-DONE! IVF day 9: 2/2/2010-Moch Trial Transfer. Bloodwork-DONE! IVF day 10: 2/3/2010-Lupron inj.-DONE! IVF day 11: 2/4/2010-Acupuncture and Moxa treatment. Lupron inj.-DONE! IVF day 12: 2/5/2010-Lupron inj.-DONE! IVF day 13: 2/6/2010-Lupron inj.-DONE! IVF day 14 : 2/7/2010-Lupron inj.-DONE! IVF day 15: 2/8/2010-Acupuncture and Moxa treatment-Lupron inj.-DONE! IVF day 16: 2/9/2010-Lupron inj.-last birth control pill taken-DONE! IVF day 17: 2/10/2010-Lupron inj., bloodowork-E2=10.1, no big cysts...given the ok to start stims on Sat!-DONE! IVF day 18: 2/11/2010-Lupron inj.-DONE! IVF day 19: 2/12/2010-Lupron injection-DONE! IVF day 20: 2/13/2010-START STIM MEDS-down Lupron inj. to 5 u, 2 Bravelle inj., 1 Menopur inj.-DONE! IVF day 21: 2/14/2010-5 u of Lupron inj., 2 Bravelle inj., 1 Menopur inj.-DONE! IVF day 22: 2/15/2010-bloodwork:E2=114; up dosage to 3 Bravelle inj., 1 Menopur inj., 5 u Lupron inj.-DONE! IVF day 23: 2/16/2010-2 Bravelle inj., 1 Menopur inj., 5 u Lupron inj.-DONE! IVF day 24: 2/17/2010-3 Bravelle inj., 1 Menopur inj., 5 u Lupron inj.-DONE! IVF day 25: 2/18/2010-bloodwork:E2=646; P4=.4; 2 Bravelle inj., 1 Menopur inj., 5 u Lupron inj.-Sonogram: 15 follicles all measuring around 11mm; lining=5.3, Acupuncture and Moxa treatment-DONE! IVF day 26: 2/19/2010-3 Bravelle inj., 1 Menopur inj., 5 u Lupron inj.-DONE! IVF day 27: 2/20/2010-Bloodwork-E2=1,307; P4=.6; 3 Bravelle inj., 1 Menopur inj., 5 u Lupron inj.-Sonogram: 20 follicles all measuring around 12mm; lining=5.9-DONE! IVF day 28: 2/21/2010-3 Bravelle inj., 1 Menopur inj., 5 u Lupron inj. IVF day 29: 2/21/2010-Bloodwork-E2=2,577; P4=1.5; Acupuncture and Moxa treatment; 2 Bravelle inj., 1 Menopur inj., 5 u Lupron inj.-Sonogram: 25 follicles measuring around 15; lining=7.0-DONE! IVF day 30: 2/22/2010-Bloodwork-E2=3,504; P4=1.5; 5 u Lupron inj., -Sonogram: 25 follicles all but a few a mature size; lining=7.0-DONE! IVF day 31: 2/23/2010-Ovidrel Trigger shotIVF day 33: 2/25/2010-Egg Retrieval. Retrieved 15 eggs! IVF day 34: 2/26/2010-Fertilization Report. Out of the 15 eggs retrieved, all 15 were mature, and 10 of them fertilized!!! We have 10 embryos growing! IVF day 38: 3/2/2010-5 day transfer. Transferred 1 5AA blastocyst, and 1 4AA blastocyst. Froze 6 blastocysts. IVF day 47: 3/11/2010-PREGNANT!!!!! BETA-235!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!! IVF day 49: 3/13/2010-2nd BETA-485!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PRAISE GOD AGAIN!!!!! 4/1/2010: Ultrasound reveals...TWINS!!!! Grandad knew it! My testimony and story comes full circle. This was His Plan!!! 6/23/2010: Ultrasound reveals...BOY AND GIRL TWINS!!!! Grandad was right again! Roman Choice and Kaiya Faith we can't wait to meet you!!!!

Purpose in life comes from knowing God and doing His Will. God created you for a purpose & promises to fulfill His intentions in your life when you truly want Him to. Let the Lord determine your steps, and if you follow where He leads, you can be sure that your life will have purpose. "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps". Proverbs 16:9

The Beginning
Until now I was unable to talk about the emotions and I didn't want to "go back there" and feel the emotions again. But I feel that for you to understand her whole purpose I need to tell the details and emotions that I endured. I now know why I struggled with infertility...not only learning to give Him control and let Him be the Author to my story, God was preparing my heart with the struggles of infertility so I could withstand the future pain and heartache of losing my baby. THE ONLY way I was able to get through the loss of Kaiya was KNOWING Our Mighty God and KNOWING she is in Heaven and she is our Angel. Rather than look at this as a tragedy, I now view this as a Blessing. I am honored to be Kaiya's mother, and feel so lucky that God has blessed me with a Son on Earth and a Daughter in Heaven. It makes death not so scary knowing I'll meet my Daughter in Heaven.

If you'll look towards the bottom of the paragraph under the picture of Dustin's hands holding up Roman left of my blog, one of my last sentences reads..."I know at times I may not always be in this "good place", but whatever is to come I will be steadfast in my love for the Lord, knowing that His plan is perfect whether it makes sense to me or not." I wrote that last December as I started my blog to be able to help others not knowing what was to happen....how ironic is it that I committed at the point that whatever was to happen in the future I would be steadfast for my love for the Lord and know that His Plan is perfect whether it made sense to me or not? This gives me chills when I read it now.

Three years ago I had no idea what God had in store for me but He is the Author of her story, and I'm just the story teller...

Miscarriage #1
I have always wanted to be a mother. Growing up, I wanted to be a stay at home mom and never was excited about being in the workforce later in life. Dustin and I started trying, and 7 long months later I was pregnant!

I will never forget how excited I was when I took that positive pregnancy test (1st positive after hundreds of negatives). I remember looking at my own reflection in the mirror and just crying...then laughing...crying then laughing. I ran upstairs to tell Dustin (he was playing guitar hero). He almost didn't believe it so he went out and got more tests for me to take. The following day we planned on how to tell our families. We got it all planned out over lunch that day and then on the way home I started spotting and cramping. Over the hours it got heavier and heavier. Deep down in my heart I knew what was happening, but I refused to believe it. The following morning I went to the Dr. to get blood work and sure enough it confirmed that I was miscarrying. I can't describe the sadness and emptiness that overcame me. To be so so happy to immediately have it all taken away. At this moment I knew I would do whatever it would take to feel that happiness again. I knew I was meant to be a mother.

Miscarriage #2
Going through a miscarriage is a lot like grieving the death of a loved one. You go through the "why me's", anger, "what they would have been like", sadness, depression,etc. For the next 7 months I researched EVERYTHING!! You can just call me Dr. Kacey. I began the blood type diet, only drank room temperature water, no caffeine, herbs, charting temperature, ovulation kits, acupuncture, you name it I did it! Seven long months later I was pregnant again!
A week before I found out I was pregnant I dreamed about my Granny who had passed away 15 years prior. In my dream she told me I was pregnant. It was so real! I even told my Mom this and said if indeed I was pregnant I wanted to share this dream. A few days after testing positive, I miscarried again. Now I really thought something was wrong with me. Why was I killing our babies?! We wanted this so bad and prayed for a baby day in and day out!

In the meantime, everyone we knew was getting pregnant and babies were EVERYWHERE! When I would go to baby showers I could feel the eyes and almost hear what everyone was thinking..."She's still not pregnant?!"

I had tried to "control" everything up to this point. I realized I was not "letting go" and giving it all to God. I was trying to make it MY Plan. My life was consumed by not only getting pregnant, but staying pregnant. God put people in my life that led me to Dr. Le. I loved Dr. Le and when I met with him he said that he prays God will use his hands to help make it possible for me to get pregnant, but there is only so much he can do...the real miracle of life is all in Gods hands. After numerous failed treatments (Clomid, Femera, IUI's and numerous surgeries (4 to be exact), and diagnosis of a septate uterus and stage 3 endometriosis we felt led to do IVF.

I Surrender All
One Sunday at church Marty asked if there was any of us out there who had something they were holding on tight to and trying to control themselves and needed to fully Surrender to God. I made my way to the front with quite a few other people and there at His cross at the Alter for the first time...with tears falling from my face and I didn't care, I fully surrendered all my fears and anxieties to Him. I let go and let God. I gave Him control of my heart and my soul.

The Prayer
Before our IVF procedure about 30 of our close friends and family came over to pray with us and they placed their hands on us and each pleaded with God on our behalf that if it was His will to fill our hearts desire. Our preacher Marty came as well, and I can tell you that after those prayers, I have never felt so much peace and I know the Holy Spirit was in that room with us. Tears wouldn't keep falling from my face. It was an emotional, amazing night. My sister printed out the prayer she said below...

Difference Between John 14:14 and John 16:23When praying according to John 14:14, you are asking Jesus, in the Name of Jesus Christ, to do something for you; as an example: to forgive your sins; to forgive sins of a loved one; to destroy curses; to destroy evil strongholds; to protect your child, etc.When praying according to John 16:23, you are asking your Heavenly Father to give you something in Jesus Christ's Name; for example: to give you total deliverance; to give to total peace; to give your child salvation; to give you financial freedom, etc.You are either asking Jesus to do something for you, or asking God to give you something; the importance is to pray to God; mirroring the scripture that applies to what you are asking;stating to God that Your Word says this... John 14:14 – do or John 16:23 (In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name... Ask and you will recieve, and your joy will be complete) give ...*********************************************************************************************************Heavenly Father, Dustin & Kacey are surrounded tonight with a special group of friends and family that You have specifically placed in their life.I know you brought each one of us here, by the stirring in our souls as we have prayed for them. But now, we come to You in ONE ACCORD, in the Name of Christ Jesus according to Matthew 18:19 (Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in Heaven)and We are standing on Your Word to give unto Dustin & Kacey ... a child. In You, we will praise Your Word and put our trust! (Psalms 16:1) Most of us here have a loved one that is hurting or who is sick. I especially want to mention Kacey & Dustin's sweet friend, Tracy who has a battle of her own going on and the recent news of Dustin's Grandad. We lift up these battles to You tonight as well. Thank you for leading Kacey & Dustin to a Doctor who loves You and has acknowledged that he also believes that Your Will is what ultimately will unfold. Dr Le cares for Kacey and You have guided him to already be succesful with her, in this process. He has shown such patience and love for the position that he is in. We pray for Dr Le and the nurses who are involved in this transfer. May Your hands, be their hands this week. I ask You now, in the name of Jesus Christ to release Your healing virtue, Your miracle virtue into Kacey's body. Release Your healing anointing, Your miracle anointing from the top of her head to the soles of her feet. We ask You to completely restore Kacey's uterus and every inch of the lining to be thickened and ready to help a baby, a true miracle grow in her womb. Father God make her whole! Restore every organ, every cell, every gland, every muscle, every ligament, every bone in her body and bring everything in total alignment, complete alignment, the way you created her, in the Name of Jesus Christ. We thank You that You are our Healer, Jehovah Rophe, (Exodus 15:26) and You are our Provider; Jehovah Jireh. We declare that You are our health, healing, and soundness in and over us. We have the healing of God, for by Your stripes, we were healed according to 1 Peter 2:24. Father, Dustin & Kacey are on their knees, begging you to USE them, USE their bodies as vessels for one of your miracles to take place. A child is such a blessing, such a gift. Lord, Your goodness and Your mercy shall follow us everyday of our lives according to Psalms 23:6. Father this is Your story, our lives tell Your story ....and Your hand, in THIS request, would speak of such Mercy to so many that know their struggle. Father God, we cry with them: Turn their mourning into Dancing (Psalms 30:11) They have put their faith in You and now we wait....Heavenly Father, we wait upon You, we ask that You will renew our strength, and that we shall mount up with wings like eagles, help us to run and not be weary, to walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:31)May we take off all dependency of the flesh and dependency on anything in this world. We trust and depend completely on Jesus! Thank you Jesus for hearing our prayers, You are a faithful God and we KNOW you hear the cries of our hearts. Father God may this miracle/Your miracle, bring Glory to Your name.I ask You to put a hedge of protection around Kacey & Dustin this week. Protect their hearts and their anxieties. Cover them with your feathers, hide them under your wings. May your faithfulness be their shield. (Psalms 91:4)We know that all things work together for good because we love You and we were called according to Your purpose according to Romans 8:28. Father, thank You for sending Your son, Jesus to earth, for the gift of his life on the cross for the forgiveness of all sin. Thank You for the gift of Your Holy Spirit and I ask You to fill us now with Your Holy Spirit, in Jesus' Holy Name we pray. Amen

The Transfer

The day of my transfer I was at peace and felt the Lord with me each step of the way. Here is a picture the nurse took of Dustin and I with a picture of our babies.

The dark shadow in each circle is the baby. She nurse says, "they are both blastocysts." One is a 5AA, the other is a 4AA. I couldnt believe it! That is the best grade an embryo can get!

God reveals himself through scripture. He revealed himself in a scripture that was my daily devotional for the day. On the day of the transfer the scripture read..."Covered, protected, and delivered". That they were! Below is an excerpt of the post I wrote the day of my transfer.

As of today you can say that I am PUPO, that is "pregnant until proven otherwise." I have 2 of our precious babies inside of us as I type. On Tuesday morning, the day of the transfer, I woke up and started reading my daily devo. Of course it spoke to me loud and clear! The title of it is Covered, Protected and Delivered.(How perfect is that?!) And my thought for the day read "All you need to do today is look up and keep your eyes on Jesus - your covering protection and deliverance.While on bed rest the following two days I wrote this letter, said this prayer, and wrote this song (reading the Chorus I wrote gives me chills)...

Dear Sweet Babies,
We have dreamed of you for so long. I wonder, are you a boy or a girl? Will you have my eyes, or Dustin's lips? I pray that God covers and protects you with his feathers. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.-Pslams 91:4. Please snuggle in tight, we want to meet you! I pray that my womb is a perfect place for you to grow. We want to see your first breath of life, hear your first word, take your first step, hear the words "mommy" and "daddy", having those fantastic ordinary days with our family. Right now, we can only dream of meeting you. I love having you in my belly, and pray that you continue to stay there. We have put our faith in God, and know that His timing is perfect. Until we meet'

We Love You

Mommy and Daddy

Dear Lord,
Please continue to wrap your arms around me, and let me not worry. Help me sense your nearness. Help me sense your nearness so I don't feel so alone and overwhelmed with this. I am letting go of all I've held; every worry, every burden, everything that's of myself. I just want to wait on you my God, I just want to dwell on who you are.
Amen
Psalm 145:1818 The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.

"Child of Mine"

A million prayers have gone up in hopes of you
We ask ourselves do dreams really come true
We have your names and we even have your clothes
And now we give up control

(Chorus-How ironic is this chorus?)
Because you are not a child of mine
You are His, just ours for awhile
He is your Father, He loves you more
He is your everything, He is your core

You are our world, you're more than we could ask for
We will protect you, comfort, and devote our lives to you
We will never stop loving you, but ultimately He has control

Because you are not a child of mine
You are His, just ours for awhile
He is your Father, He loves you more
He is your everything, He is your core

Seek Him, Trust Him, Have Faith in Him
His promise is Yours

Because you are not a child of mine
You are His, just ours for awhile
He is your Father, He loves you more
He is your everything, He is your core

Grandfather Choice Pierson

Now I have to share how Dustin's Grandfather played a role in all this. Not only is Roman's middle name Choice after him, but he was a big part of Roman's whole existence. Choice Pierson was his name, and he fell ill during our "two week wait"(you have to wait two weeks after the transfer to find out if you are pregnant). He was actually doing better and was released from the hospital to a rehab facility. The day before we were to find out if we were pregnant, Dustin was visiting his Grandad and Dustin told him we were going to find out if we were pregnant the next day (his Grandad did not know we were doing fertility treatments). His Grandad said..."well what would you like a boy or a girl?" Dustin replied "I don't care, I just want a baby". His Grandfather said "I think you'll have both! Twins." The following morning we woke up to go get our blood work done to determine if I was pregnant, and our phone rang...Choice passed away in his sleep that early morning. We were completely shocked. Dustin hurried up to the facility so he could be by his side before they came to get him. I went to get my blood work done. Dustin said while he was sitting by his Grandad this overwhelming peace came over him and for the first time, he knew I was pregnant. He texted me "Your pregnant".

I was convinced I wasn't pregnant and now I had the weight of breaking that news to Dustin right after his Grandad died. I pulled up in the parking lot of the clinic and my sister Whitney surprised me there and she opened my car door and prayed with me. I walked into the clinic a big ball of an emotional mess and they took my blood and said they would call later that afternoon with the results. After leaving the clinic I stopped by the cemetery where both my Grandfathers are buried and I rubbed the praying hands on their headstones and pleaded with God for me to be carrying our babies. We were with family during the next 5 long hours.

At 4:30 the phone rang and the nurse said "You can relax...you're pregnant!" Chills covered my body and it was impossible to stop smiling!

This picture was taken right after I hung up the phone with the nurse.

How Roman's Name Came To Us
At Choice's funeral the preacher closed the sermon with a Romans scripture. Dustin looked at me and said I know we're going to have a son and I want to name him Roman.

Twins!
Two weeks later we found out it was twins. At that ultrasound appointment Baby A (Kaiya's) heart was beating visibly, but Baby B (Roman's) heart did not seem to be beating. The Dr. said it looked as if it was a vanishing twin and he gave us 80% that we would have only one baby. Then Dustin said "Wait...I see it!! Its beating!!" The Dr.'s eyes got big and said "well congrats, its twins!"
My Miracles!!!
That was only the beginning of Roman giving us a scare. Kaiya measured right on target and Roman measured a little behind.

Surprising the Family

That night we had the family over and thought it would be fun to surprise them that we were having twins. I put alot of thought into and came up with a fun way of breaking the news to them. I had an easter egg with the initials of each family member on the egg, and inside the egg a scripture or saying of something that that person told us or shared with us through our journey. Each one was a "clue" as to what we might me having. We had our nieces and nephew find each egg and hand it to the right person. Dustin's older sister Nicole and family were on the phone listening to the whole thing since they live in Arkansas. The sayings are below...

A mother may only hold her childs hand for a short while, but she hold her childs heart forever-My Mom (she bawled while reading this!)

By faith Abraham, even though he was past age and Sarah herself was barren, was enabled to become a father becacuse He considered Him faithful who had made the promise-Hebrews 11:11 -My Dad

For I know the plans I have for you plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future-Jeremiah 29:11-My Father in Law

Behold I am the Lord, the God of all flesh…is there anything too hard for me?-Jeremiah 32:27-My Mother in Law

How Great is our God sing with me how Great is our God-Granny (Grandad that passed away's wife)

You receive God’s blessings through faith not good works-My Grandmum

“press on” miracles happen when we hear the good news preached and simply believe it-My Aunt Sissi (my grandfather that passed away was a preacher and he always said "Press on...this to shall pass"...she bawled when she read this too!)

Hearing and Seeing the heartbeat today knowing someday we will feel that same heartbeat with our own hands was a beautiful blessing-My Sister in Law Misti (she told me this was so special to her when she would heart their heartbeats on the ultrasound and still today touch their little heart and remember its that same little sound she heard...she bawled when she read this!)

Covered, Protected, and Delivered-Sister in Law's boyfriend (this was the scripture that was revealed to me through my daily devo on the day of my transfer)

A child is a blessing from God-My sister Haley

The nearest thing to Heaven is a child-My cousin Amber (she has told me for the last 3 years that I would get pregnant in Feb and it would be twins!!!)

You knit me together in my mothers womb-Psalm 139:13-My sister Whitney (she emailed me this Thurs morning before we went to the ultrasound and said that God layed it on her heart early that morning...she was confident it was twins!)

Seek 1st the Kingdom of God and all things shall be added to you-Matthew 6:33-My Brother in Law Kasey (his mother is the one who told me to remember this always through this process, so this is what I prayed to myself before answering any phone call with results, and right before the Dr. put the wand in)

God's will may be revealed to you in 1 or multiple ways-My Brother in Law Chris (he prayed this for us when we had "the prayer" at my house before the transfer)

I know you all think and have thought two, but God’s Plan and is will for us that was revealed to us under the Sun today is…-Our niece Peyton (this was supposed to make people think it was going to be 1 b/c it rhymed with Sun...it worked b/c people started whispering, "its one, its one!")

Then I handed the last egg for the little ones (ages 2, and 4) to open the last egg and it had the number 2 typed real big so they screamed "TWO!"

Everyone started screaming and crying. It was Amazing!!

Dustin and his Dad

Our Niece Payton



Both of our Dads

My sisters and my Mom

Ahhh!!!

Me reading my daily devo I recieved that morning

Me at the at the ultrasound

Granny and Dustin (Grandad's wife)

My Dad, Dustin Dad, and Dustin

right as they were yelling "Two!"

My sister Haley

Dustin videotaping

My Dad

my sister Whitney

(This is Grandad when he was in his 20's...wasn't he handsome? This bright light in the top corner from my flash I'll choose to believe is him shining down on us!) Everyone says Roman looks like Choice!

At the upcoming Dr's appointments they told us that Baby B (Roman's) sac was substantially smaller than Baby A (Kaiya's) and they were concerned for Roman. The Dr. even said on a scale of 1 to 10 he was a 7 on the level of concern for Roman. I asked for everyone's prayers on my blog and I wrote...
Please pray the sentence below specifically for Baby B.
That she/he will catch up to Baby A and that her/his sac will provide enough room for himher to grow. Our next appt is Wed at 11:00.

By that next appointment at 11:00 with the Perinatologist our prayers were answered and he looked at the sizes and said Roman had caught up! At that appointment the ultrasound showed Roman waving at us telling us "he's just fine!"

Gender Reveal
A few weeks later it was time to find out the genders. We chose to not find out at the Dr., but instead to have him record the session on a DVD and for us to find out with our family and friends who practically had gone through the journey with us. With 100 people gathered in my living room we popped in the DVD. It went to Baby B Roman first and BOY went across the screen. It then went to Baby A Kaiya and BOY went across the screen again! I was shocked!! Two boys?!? I couldn't believe it!
Just before we put in the video, Aydia ran up to me with joy!



The Proud Daddy

and Proud Mommy


and the babies: Roman is looking at Kaiya... so precious!!!!!


1 BOY (Roman)



2 BOYS (Kaiya-we just didn't know it yet...)



This picture was taken that night after we found out.

Two weeks later at our next sonogram as the Dr. went to look at Baby A (Kaiya) he typed in...Baby A Girl?? Then he typed Baby A Girl!! He had been wrong and Grandad was right!! I will never forget how happy I was at this moment. Up until this moment I had never been happier. I was carrying my Son and Daughter! My dream of having a daughter had come true! We got a 4d sonogram the next day to fully confirm it. I now introduce my first glimpse of my daughter's face to you...meet sweet Kaiya Faith.

Roman is on the left and Kaiya is on the right

Now Roman is on the right and Kaiya is on the left

Sweet Kaiya

Roman's proof and Kaiya's proof

Kaiya's profile on the left (tilting her head up) and Roman's profile on the right

Kaiya on the left and Roman on the right

(I wrote the paragraph below on the post when I posted their pics.)
Kaiya has been the bigger baby all along! She's measuring 5 days ahead of schedule and Roman has been the smaller baby and given us the scares from the beginning and he's measuring 1 day behind now. I wonder if this will stand true to how much trouble they will give us later! At our first sono the Dr. didn't see Roman's heartrate, Dustin found it. Roman at first was measuring 5 days behind. Then his sac looked too small so we went to a specialist and by the time we had the specialist appt the sacs were equal. He seems to be doing great now! Their foot to head length is 8.7 inches and Roman weighs 9.07 ounces and Kaiya weighs 10.69 ounces. I have now gained 18 pounds. I read that when carrying twins, when you're 24 weeks you should have gained at least 24 pounds. I'm right on track for that if not a little ahead :). I read a quote from another bloggers page that I love. "Instead of wishing away 9 months of pregnancy and complaining about weight gain, embrace it and cherish every moment and realize that the wonders growing inside you is your only chance to assist God in a miracle" With that said...below are my 19 week 1 day belly pics!

Rocky Roads
At the upcoming appointments the Dr. noticed that my cervix had started to funnel and so his words were to "take it easy". I decided to put myself on bed rest! I took his words "take it easy" and put myself on strict bed rest!! Luckily I had done all their shopping and had their nursery completed, so I could in fact REST!

I am so glad I had this special time every day with my babies. I would just lay there and feel them kick, play music to them, talk to them, and read to them. I knew I was doing the absolute best thing that I could do for my babies.

Irony-Worst Day of My Life
Four weeks later, at 24 weeks I woke up so excited that we made it to 24 weeks! The week of viability for your baby. The day before I had written a post asking for prayer for 4 women who had lost their babies right before this week marker, where they had no chance of living outside of the womb. Pretty ironic that the next day I would become one of these women. Before leaving for our Dr's appointment I had Dustin take my 24 week belly shot that I was so proud of. Little did I know this would be the last belly shot I would have him take of me.

Dustin said he had a bad feeling that day in the elevator on the way up to the Dr's office. That day the sonogram technician did our sonogram instead of the Dr. She looked at both babies and measured them and seemed in a hurry more then usual. She told us Baby A (Kaiya) weighed 1 lbs 7 oz and Baby B (Roman) weighed 1 lb 8 oz. She said to go ahead and put my clothes on and I'll see if the Dr. would like to talk to you. This was not unusual to me because I spoke with him after each appointment anyways. Frustrated I told Dustin "She didn't even tell us the heart rates!" I just thought she was in a hurry and I didn't know anything was wrong.

While waiting for him to come in, James Taylor's song "You've Got a Friend" came on the intercom. During the time my Grandfather was dying in the hospital years ago, this song would always come on and so I relate this song to my "PaPa". The lyrics go

"You just call out my name, and you know wherever I am I come running to see you again...Winter Spring Summer or Fall, all you got to do is call, and I'll be there...you've got a friend".

I can't really explain how I felt when this song came on. Not that something was wrong, but the only way I can describe what I felt at that moment was God preparing my soul to receive the news I was about to receive.

The Dr. came in and went straight to the matching and put the wand over Baby A (Kaiya). Right away my eyes went to her heart, and as I noticed her heart wasn't beating. My heart "broke".

My world stopped. The most eary surreal feeling I will never forget overcame me. The Dr. let out a deep breath and after a few seconds pause he said "Baby A is gone".

Dustin jumped up screaming "What!" I couldn't say anything. My hands just covered my face and I'll never forget the song that then started playing on the intercom "She's Like the Wind". Lyrics go

She's like the wind in my dreams
She rides the night next to me
She leads me through moonlight
Only to burn me with the sun
She's taken my heart, But she doesn't know what she's done
I feel her breath on my face. Her body close to me
Can't look in her eyes. She's out of my league
Just a fool to believeI have anything she needs
She's like the wind
I look in the mirror and all I see Is a young old man with only a dream
Am I just fooling myself that she'll stop the pain
Living without her I'd go insane
I feel her breath on my face
Her body close to me
Can't look in her eyes
She's out of my league
She's like the wind.

Chilling.

The song played while the Dr. left me and Dustin alone for a minute.

My worst nightmare had come true. I could no longer help my daughter. I felt like the smallest person in the whole wide world. Nothing that had happened in my whole life was worse than what I felt then.

The following hours are a blur, but we checked into labor and delivery and called family and tried to say the words..."we. lost. Kaiya."

Thoughts of who she would have been were flooding my mind. Every dream I had for her future were stolen from me.

Dustin grabbed my hand as I laid in the labor and delivery bed and started praying for Roman. I would not let myself grieve fully because I had to be strong for Roman. I had read recently that your cortisone levels (stress levels) are shared with your baby, so if you were stressed, the baby was too. It was so hard not to just give up and "lose it", but I prayed for God's peace, and that He gave me.

My family arrived and the Dr came to visit us and to talk to us. He could not believe that this happened to Baby A (Kaiya), because we were always concerned about Baby B (Roman). He said there was NO EXPLANATION OF HER DEATH. EVERYTHING LOOKED NORMAL. This was no accident...this was nothing I did wrong, this was part of God's Plan. I had to just keep telling myself that it was part of His Plan.

Kaiya was here and her life had a purpose, that God had chosen me to live out. What an honor. In her honor I would be strong and do this.

That night in the hospital, the lady next door was in labor (without pain medicine) and all we heard all night were her piercing screams. It sounded like an excersism of some sort. Her screams were so horrible. I remember as I laid there with my dead baby in my belly, she was giving birth to hers. I didn't want to fall asleep that night because I didn't want to wakup re-living the pain and nightmare.

My friends couldn't believe how much I held it together when they visited me. One morning in the shower at the hospital I wasn't so strong. I had always sang Allison Kraus's song "Baby" to Roman and Kaiya while I was pregnant. This song popped in my head for the 1st time since Kaiya had died. I "lost it" and realized I would never be able to sing this song again withought crying. The tears kept coming and I couldn't stop crying. Some of the lyrics are...

"Baby now that I found you I can't let you go, I build my world around you I need you so baby even though you don't need me. Now you tell me that you wanna leave me, but baby I just can't let you."

Chilling.

I spent every morning praying for God's strength to be upon me. Another song that sticks out and I heard alot during this was Rascal Flatt's "What Hurts the Most". Some of the lyrics are...

"What hurts the most is being so close, and having so much to say and watching you walk away. And never knowing what could've been, and not seeing that loving you is what I was trying to do."

These pictures were taken the day we were leaving the hospital to go home on bed rest. I was trying to smile but you can see the pain and hurt I was feeling.

After Kaiya died my stomach started to appear lop-sided

After the News
After two weeks of being in the hospital, (they kept me there because I was at risk of having an infection because of her being dead in my body they didn't know if my body would try to reject her, and I couldn't deliver her because it was too early for Roman to come out) they felt it was ok for me to go home on strict bedrest. Very weird feeling to go home from the hospital still carrying both your living son and your dead daughter. Not the way I had always dreamed of leaving the hospital. My only option was to keep Roman in me for as long as I could. Every day and minute counted.

Worry is a Prayer to the Devil
During the next four weeks we were sent to specialists because Roman had low amniotic fluid in his sac. He also had fluid in his kidneys and echogennic bowels. These are all soft markers for Down Syndrome and Cystic Fibrosis. When they told me this...all this stress was enough to send me over. On the way to each appointment I would listened to scriptures on tape and listen to music that helped to me feel His presence. At each appointment when they placed the doppler on my belly my heart would freeze waiting to hear his heartbeat so afraid it would show it had stopped to. With every sonogram I had to look at my sweet Kaiya on the screen. I didn't have to, but I couldn't turn away. She looked the same at each appointment. The Dr. thought parts of her would absorb into my body, but her body stayed in tact pretty well for the 6 weeks. I began to worry...and worry was all I was doing.

I spent a lot of time listening to his heart rate with my home doppler I had. The seconds it took to find it each time were the scariest seconds ever. Aydia loved to come visit me and do the doppler on my belly. To this day Aydia thanks God every night when she says her prayers. "Dear God, Thank you for Kiki"s babies...Roman at home and Kaiya in Heaven. She"s so smart for a 2 year old with such a sweet spirit.

Shortly after I began to worry my cousin called and told me she dreamed about our Big Daddy (our Grandfather) coming to her in her dream and all he said was "Amber Lenea...Worry is a prayer to the Devil." He was a preacher. He was right, I was pleasing Satan when I worried. Now, with my Son in my belly thriving for a chance in this world, and his sister resting peacefully beside him, I had to give this to God and surrender all my anxieties to Him. Philippians 4:6-76Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Peace of God
So while on bedrest with my cervix shortening, going to weekly Dr's visits, (bringing a pillow and laying down in the waiting rooms) worrying something was wrong with Roman, and knowing he was right beside his dead sister and they told me he was even swallowing some of her blood, I can't explain anything other than the Peace of God that got me through this.

Birth Story

I started having regular contractions at 28 weeks. Dustin would document how far apart they were and we did this for almost two weeks straight. They came every day after lunch and lasted through the night. At 29 weeks 5 days they were 10 minutes apart. That night I knew we were in a new ballgame and I needed to get to the hospital. It was a Flash Flood that night and was storming harder than it had all year. We had a 25 minute drive to the hospital. Once arriving to the hospital catherized me and hooked me up to monitors and said my contractions were 2 minutes apart! We got to thospital at 2:30 am and my Dr. got there and saw me at 3:00 am. Their goal was to try to stop my labor. They administered a drug called Magnesium Sulfate. This is not a pain reducer drug!! The Dr. warned me and best described it as feeling like your burning in hell from the inside out. Nice huh? For the next 36 hours I felt every contraction all the while feeling like I was burning up! I had the thermostat on 50 degrees and was still hot. They wouldn't let me have any food or water...no even ice chips!! I was dying of thirst and all they could give me was a damp rag to suck on that tasted horrible. Sounds like a torture chamber doesn't it? 36 HOURS LATER-yes 36 hours they realized the Magnesium Sulfate was not doing its job was not stopping my labor. I started bleeding alot and they realized Kaiya's sac had ruptured so there was no turning back now.

God's Promise
During the final hours of my labor at the hospital, my sisters came in and said "Have you looked out your window?" We opened the blinds and there was the most beautiful rainbow that stretched out across the sky. Not only was it a rainbow...but a double rainbow!! If you read back at 2nd post of my blog last year I talked about how a rainbow is a sign of God's Promise. Once I saw this beautiful rainbow, I was at peace and knew everything was going to be ok. I truly believe he sent this double rainbow to me for my twins. Here are the pictures of the rainbows we saw outside my hospital window. Unbelievable.
Prepare your hearts to experience Him and He will prepare your eyes to see Him.

Throughout my whole labor I had them monitor Roman's heartrate. Even after they rolled me into the operating room and administered the spinal tap I asked for them to let me hear his heartrate. They were ready to start the C-Section and and did a few "tests" to make sure I was numb. Well good thing they did this because I could feel the scapels!! I was not numb! They said they had to put me under.

Because they were putting me under, Dustin was not aloud to come back, Before rolling me back they told Dustin they would be back to get him and when Dustin said "Don't forget about me!" They told them there was only a 1% chance he would not be able to come back. The nurse didn't have time to explain to him why he couldnt come back she just said they were having to put me under. Dustin was all suited up and ready to go. He had even videotaped himself in the mirror saying here we go...I'm about to meet you Roman! He told me later that he was so scared for me and that the song "Don't Take the Girl" kept playing over and over in his head.

There were about 30 friends and family at the hospital at this time having prayer circles and I know prayer circles all around were happening for Roman's safe and healthy arrival. God was listening!

Roman Choice Pierson was born at 7:52 PM on September 9th weighing exactly 3 lbs and was 16 inches long. They said he even cried when he was born and scored a 9 on the apgar scale! I wasn't able to see him take his 1st breath. Kaiya Faith Pierson was born at 7:53 PM. She lost 13 oz. and now weighed only 11 oz. I woke up and was being wheeled into my room. This makes me sad, but now I believe that this was God's plan so I wouldn't have to see them pull Kaiya out like that. I recieved Roman's birth certificate and Kaiya's death certificate at the same time.

Kaiya was his Angel from the very beginning of his life on earth. I know she was a big reason he amazed the doctors at how well he was doing!

Holding My Precious Daughter

As I entered my room, soft music was playing (the song "Healer" and "Beautiful" by Kari Jobe-the songs I listened to during my embryo transfer, during my two week wait, and every day while I was pregnant) and Kaiya had been bathed and was laying peacefully in a beautiful pink dress while a photographer from "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep" was making her look so pretty. It was so peaceful in the room.

I want to share the words to the song that has inspired my faith and trust in Him.

Healer

You hold my every moment, You calm my raging seas, You walk with me through fire, And heal all my disease. I trust in You, Lord I trust in You. I believe You're my healer, I believe You are all I need. I believe You're my portion. I believe You're more than enough for me. Jesus You're all I need. Nothing is impossible for You. Nothing is impossible. Nothing is impossible for You. You hold my world in Your hands

The next song are the words to "Beautiful" by Kari Jobe. I listen to both these songs at least once every day.
Here before Your alter, I am letting go of all I've held. Of every motive, every burden, everything that's of myself. And I just wanna wait on You, my God. I just wanna dwell on who You are. Beautiful, beautiful oh I am lost for more to say. Beautiful, beautiful oh Lord, You're beautiful to me. Here in Your presence, I am not afraid of brokenness. To wash Your feet with humble tears, I would be poured out till nothing's left. And I just wanna wait on You, my God. I just wanna dwell on who You are. Holy, holy, holy You are, You are holy, holy, holy You are, You are Holy, holy, holy You are, You are Holy, holy, holy You are, You are

Dustin had just seen Roman as they were wheeling him to the NICU and he said "Kacey! He's beautiful!" Dustin held his daughter and stared at her sweet face and then he handed her to me.

She was so beautiful. Looking at her beautiful face, you knew there was nothing wrong with her. It had been 6 weeks since she had passed away so some of the unpleasant things that happen to your body had happened but it didn't matter to me. I kissed her sweet face, and tried to soak up each of her little body parts in my mind because I knew this was the last time I was going to be able to see her. She had the cutest little feet and hands. It was such a miracle to see God's creation at this stage of life. I feel blessed to have been able to do that.

I was able to see and hold Kaiya before I even laid eyes on Roman. I thought she was beautiful and wanted to show her to her family. I hadn't prepared my family that they would get to see her, so when they walked down the hallway to come into the room, the nurse told them "she's beautiful" and they were like "What?...what are we about to see?..." Each of my sisters, Dustin's sisters, and our parents were able to hold their Grandaughter that they had prayed for so many times. I have pictures of this that I will cherish forever. My nurse was such an angel to me that night, and she stayed in the room with us and cried with us. She later said that was the most beautiful, peaceful thing she had ever witnessed. Time stood still during this hour or however long it was. I am so thankful I got these precious moments with her.

Moving Foward and Fulfilling Kaiya's Purpose
I am so thankful to our Holy God for my beautiful daughter. I have learned so much about our Creator through this journey. I've learned How He Loves Us. I believe Kaiya's purpose was to draw other closer to Him. What an awesome purpose!? I know her life did just that. I had friends and strangers calling me telling me they had dropped to their knees in prayer. These are just the people that told me. I know there are hundreds if not thousands of others whose lives she touched.

My arms held a little slice of Heaven that day. I like to look at it as she just has Heaven before we do. So I'll just let Sweet Jesus hold her til her mommy can hold her again. I feel so blessed to have a daughter in Heaven and a son here on earth. I know this was all part of God's Plan. Kaiya is a gift from God whose life is drawing others closer to Him. I will miss Kaiya everyday and it seems to be getting harder, not easier. Almost everytime I look at Roman I think of her. I know that she is our Angel and will have such a strong spiritual connection with Roman. She'll be in every smile he smiles and be with him with every tear he cries. My mother in law wrote the following poem and I have it framed in his nursery.

Dear Mommy and Daddy,
I know your hearts are broken now and you don't understand. As time goes by you will come to know it's all part of God's perfect plan. Don't take it lightly or by accident that Christ sent me to you. Live your lives in such a way that others see him in you. It's so wonderful to live up here, there's gold on every street. The thing I love the most is when I play at our Savior's feet. Tell Roman about Jesus and his amazing love. And that I will be watching over him from my new home up above. Teach Roman how to pray each night when you tuck him in. And how Jesus gave his life to free us all from sin. Share my story with others, but don't shed bitter tears. This will bring others to Jesus through the coming years. I'll be in every smile that Roman smiles and the twinkle in his eye. I'll always be right there beside him, especially when he cries. So hold on tight to Jesus and feast daily on his word. Cast your cares upon him and your prayers will all be heard. In the arms of Jesus,
Kaiya Faith

There are touches of her all over his nursery. My favorite part of the nursery is the pink we left in the clouds (after Kaiya passed away we had to repaint the entire nursery). This was a picture of the nursery we took back in July before Kaiya's passing. We had just finished painting and ordering the cribs and bedding. It took alot of hard work to make it into "Roman's Nursery" but all my family helped and we did it! After coming home from the hospital after Kaiya passed away I didn't ever go back into this nursery until it was repainted. My dad worked so hard and repainted. We still left pieces of it in place in rememberence of Sweet Kaiya Faith.
I put this picture of Kaiya's sweet feet in the hallway and you can see it as you go into the nursery.
These boy/girl angels are hanging above the outside door of the nursery as you are about to go in.

From the outside looking in.

Originally we wanted pink in the clouds for Kaiya, and after she passed we kept the pink in the clouds because we wanted to have a "Kaiya Sky" still. I love the pink right above the window...it makes it look like a sunset.

I even have their embryo picture in their nursery and what is says on the sign is true...before you were concieved, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here for an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of love.

Above the doorway I wanted to have a special place for Kaiya. Whenever I'm in the nursery with Roman he won't take his eyes off of this area. I believe he's seeing her or seeing Angels. My sister had an artist draw this beautiful picture of Kaiya from her 19 week sonogram along with the Exodus 23:20 "I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared for you." The scripture is so fitting because he did send Kaiya "ahead" of Roman. She was to be born first because she was Twin A near the bottom. She always measured ahead of him as well. I also have the picture of me being pregnant with her and looking down at her. I know she always will be with us and Roman and they will have such a strong spiritual bond. It was very important to me to have her in his nursery. So now everytime we walk out that door she is looking down on us and we can look up to her.

This is the most special sacred piece I have in the nursery. It's Kaiya's handprints and footprints. Nana and Papa made this shadow box as secure as possible and worked on it for many hours. The sign on it reads..."Although you never walked on this earth, you left footprints all over our hearts" I like to rub my fingers across her prints.

He came when he was supposed to and it was all part of His Perfect Plan.

Kaiya means diamond in the sky. I loved the definition and this is why I had picked out her name. Now everytime I see a beautiful sunset, or beautiful clouds, or beautiful rainbows I think of her. My family and I call them "Kaiya Skies". I even want to write a song names "Kaiya Skies" and have it recorded. These are some of the skies we've seen since her passing.

The picture at the top of the blog was taken during the balloon release at her burial service. See how the sky perfectly parts down the middle of blue and pink? I can't tell you howmany times I saw skies like this when I hadn't found out the gender of the twins and it led me to believe I was carrying a boy and a girl. The heavens declare the glory of God; they skies proclaim the work of His hands. Psalm 19:1 David realized that the beauty and order of the created world are truly God's oldest testament. As a young shepherd boy I am certain that he would lie on his back at night out in the pasture and spend hours gazing up at the stars. I imagine he also witnessed spectacular sunrises and sunsets as he cared for his father's flocks over the years-and as he saw all this God's Spirit moved in him and he wrote: "The heavens declare the glory of God; they skies proclaim the work of His hands."

I think I know the moment Kaiya passed away. I didn't feel anything physically. The day before my 24 week appointment I was outside laying on on a lawn chair and it was a beautiful day outside. I was listening to "Beautiful" by Kari Jobe. I had my sungasses on so I was able to look directly at the sky. During this song, the clouds started moving so fast above my head. Its hard to explain it into words but the clouds were alot lower than normal and moving really fast. I remember it was so beautiful it made me cry. Almost like a surreal moment. I remember thanking God for my babies and holding my belly during this. I believe this was the moment because the Dr. said it looked like she had passed away that morning or the day before. When he told me this I immediatly thought of this moment. That day outside I was also thinking of the upcoming baby shower and I thought it would be cool to play the 3d slideshow to Mariah Carey's "Who Knows What Miracles When You Believe"...As we all know I was never able to have a baby shower because the following day was the worst day of my life.

When You Prepare Your Hearts to Experience Him, He Will Prepare Your Eyes to See Him
The post labeled "Sign" that was the 2nd post I ever posted on the blog reads...(written Thurs Dec. 13th 2009)

I have to share this. I created my blog on Friday. On Thursday the day before, as I was driving home from lunch, I was praying to God to show me some kind of sign in the clouds (as you can see from the bottom of my blog I love clouds). I normally wouldn't share this, but I'm sure we all do this from time to time (or maybe not all of us :)). Anything at all...I just wanted to see something in the clouds. Well after looking the whole way home (about 10 minutes) all I saw was a question mark (?) made out of clouds in the sky. The next day I started my blog and because I love clouds I went to google and typed in clouds clip art. The 1st picture that showed up was this picture Question mark was no where in my search in google. Pretty awesome! I don't think that is a coincidence. What's crazy is I didn't even think about this resemblence until I was laying in bed awake at 1:00 a.m. last night! I told Dustin and my sister about it, but decided to share on the blog as well. All I can make from this is my story is not finished and no one knows the answer or reveal except Him.

(Chilling!)

Just another awesome part of my testimony and story!

God Reveals Himself Through Nature
I have always felt closest to God through nature. Whether I just step outside, driving in my car...this is just when I feel his presence the most. I believe through his beautiful nature that day, He was with me as Kaiya went to Heaven. I choose to believe this is the moment she went to heaven and to always have the image of those clouds that day, what a miracle. God reveals himself through nature. Psalm 19:1-6 states, “The heavens are telling of the glory of God; and their expanse is declaring the work of His hands." Nature tells everyone about God’s glory and that everything is made by Him. Romans 1:18-21 declares, “For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.” According to this text, nature reveals that God exists and that He is powerful. This testimony is so powerful that no person can claim that he or she knows nothing about God. The sky is always there for man to behold. When I think of Kaiya I look at the sky and feel her prescence. The presence of God in nature is self-evident. The expanse of the heaven and the vast starry night reveals our insignificance in the creation.

Kaiya Skies

Each time we look to the sky, it is a reminder that God purposefully puts everything in place for us. There is not another planet with any sign of life in the whole universe, all 46.5 billion light years of it. Read Psalm 19 and discover how God reveals Himself to us both naturally and specifically.

Every infertile woman in the bible went on to be used by God because of their infertility. Elizabeth, Sarah, Rebekah and Hannah all had difficulty concieving. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2 God had a plan and His plan is perfect. The pain of desiring to be a mother has allowed me to understand God more fully. I thank God for every sunset he sends to help me remember Kaiya. As Kaiya watches over us, now we can continue to see God's plan unfold for Roman. I know He has a plan and a special purpose for Roman as well!

Roman's Birth Scripture
Roman was born 9/9/2010. I remember when on bed rest I was reading through Romans scripture and came to verse 9:9 that read "For this is how the Promise was stated. When I return, Sarah shall have a Son." I thought "whoa wouldn't that be cool if Roman was born on September 9th!" Sarah went through infertility in the Bible. I then thought there was no way because that was way too early. Sure enough that was God's Plan! He also sent me the Promise with the beautiful double rainbow minutes before he was born. We saw rainbows for the next few weeks as he was in the NICU. I had friends I hadn't spoken to in a long time texting me rainbows they were seeing. The Lords hand is surely upon Roman and has been since the moment he was concieved.

Poor baby has been through so much in the womb and outside of the womb. I felt so sorry for him being right next to Kaiya those last 6 weeks. They said he was swallowing her blood and that could be the cause of his echogennic bowels. He had to know and have intuition of something being wrong when she stopped moving.

Tribute to Kaiya

I know I have gone through what I have gone through to draw others closer to God. If Kaiya's passing drew 1 person to know God and saved 1 person then it was all worth it. I choose to believe she did and God's plan unfolded as it was purposed.

I have been used by God in ways that I thought I could never be used. Going through my infertility has given me so many more opportunities to point others to the goodness of God then I ever would have had if pregnancy had come easy for me. For that I wouldn't trade this journey for anything. It is an honor to be used by God. Just as God chooses others for his purpose, I have been chosen too. I pray God will continue to draw others to Himself through our story.

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep...
The day we laid Kaiya to rest was beautiful. Words can't describe it, but pictures do...

I couldn't get the thought out of my head of instead of Dustin walking Kaiya down the aisle...he was walking her to her grave.

My daughter is in a place we dream of going our whole lives and this fills me with happiness. She's our Guardian Angel! There's a hold in my heart, and I'll carry it wherever I go. There's a hole in my heart in the shape of you. This Christmas may you Sleep in Heavenly peace, Sleep in Heavenly peace Sweet Kaiya Faith.

Until we meet again, I'll enjoy my "Kaiya Skies". You are MY diamond in the sky. Thank you God for my beautiful Daughter and Son. I am honored you chose me to be their mother.

Kaiya's story is missing many details and only a fraction of it conveys how much love I have for my daughter. My love for her can't be told in just 10 pages. It would take a lifetime to explain the bond I feel with her. The love and happiness she brought to my life is truly a gift from God. I love her with every bit of my heart and although there is a hold in it, I will carry it wherever I go.

We have been overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support we've had from friends, family, and complete strangers. So many of you who have crossed our paths in different ways throughout our tragedy and triumphs have been used by God in ways you cannot imagine to touch us and bring us comfort. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth. In the depths of our sadness over Kaiya Faith I feel such a renewed sense of FAITH, and for this I AM THANKFUL!

God has not promised skies always blue, flower-stern pathways all of our lives through. God has not promised sun without rain, joy without sorrows, peace without pain. But God has promised strenth for the day, rest for the labor, light for the way, grace for the trails, help from above, unfailing sympathy, and undying love.

May God bless you!

These are Kaiya's feet... These are Roman's feet