His Plan Revealed again...another Miracle!

I can't believe its been so long since I've posted. Roman is keeping me so busy and my time with him is so precious to me it of course comes first. I really hope once I get caught up I can post at least once a month.

Roman now has another Angel sibling (I believe a sister) in Heaven. I know what you are thinking..."What! It all seemed like it was so meant to be!!! How could this happen? Was it all a coincidence with the songs, signs, etc?"

That is exactly what ran through my head when I looked at that same screen that I learned of Kaiya's passing, in the same Dr's office room and everything. And yes the song on the intercom was none other than "If I Die Young". As the song was playing I was thinking "surerly his/her heart will start beating...please God, not again"...but then that same surreal peace came over me and it was the Holy Spirit and I knew my baby was in Heaven. Now let me take you back as to how all this happened. You know things can't be simple with me. It was definitly a roller coaster.

I was so happy and calm with this pregnancy. The trip to Florida celebrating Roman's 1st birthday was such a blessing. I was 6 1/2 weeks pregnant then and I can honestly say I have never been happier. He turned 1 on this trip so we did a special birthday celebration on the beach and sand Happy Birthday to Roman and Kaiya and released balloons her. There were so many Kaiya Skies on that trip. She was definitly with us :) Laying on the beach holding Roman while he slept on my chest and knowing a new blessing was growing inside my tummy, the wind blowing ever so slightly, perfect weather, a perfect moment that I will never forget. Here is a picture my sister took of us and sent it to me that day saying Kacey and her "babies", and some other highlights from the trip. You can see the JOY God blessed us with on this trip!
Here I am getting ready to write Kaiya's name in the sand.
Overall I felt very good with this pregnancy. When it came time for my 1st Dr's visit and ultrasound I was 8 weeks. It was right after we got back from Florida. I know God has His hand in the timing of our vacation and the Dr's appointment. He wanted me to have all those feelings I had on my trip. We decided to take Roman with us to the appointment...bad idea. Dr. Daum had not gotten the chance to meet Roman yet, so mainly that was why we wanted to take him. I really was not nervous about the appointment. I thought all along that surely this would be a smooth pregnancy...besides "that's what I deserved right?" Dr. Daum even said before examining me, that he was so excited for me getting pregnant on my own and getting to have a good normal no suprises pregnancy. In goes the wand and there on the screen, our beautiful baby. Right away I saw the heart beat. "In My Daughters Eyes" started playing on the intercom. I couldn't believe it! Remember that is what was playing the day I went in to get my labwork on the day I found out I was pregnant. People have asked me "Does their office play the same songs over and over?" NO it is a radio station! I had wondered the same thing in the past, but it is always on a radio station. I KNOW these songs are signs from God. I relate so much to music and I believe this has something to do with it. After I first saw the heartbeat relief came over me. I looked at the Dr's face and he had that same concentrated serious look that I had seen before. He said "The baby is only measuring 6 weeks 1 day and it seems to me his/her heartrate is unsystematic or irregular". My mind went back to when we had our 1st ultrasound with him with the twins. That day he told me that Baby B's (Roman) sac was way to small and he was concerned and on a scale of 1 to 10 in concern he was a 7 that we would only have 1 baby (Kaiya). And remember the 1st heartbeat appointment I had with the twins with my Reproductive Endrocrinologist, Roman didn't even have a heartbeat at first. Dustin ended up finding it minutes later! After remembering both these occasions I told myself that everything was still fine with this new blessing and I convinced myself not to worry. I once again asked the Dr. on a scale of 1 to 10 what was his concern and he said a 6. He said he wanted to see me again in 1 week and we could look again. Here is the picture we got that day.

1 week later we went in and on this day "Daughter" by Dave Matthews was playing during our ultrasound. Crazy! Now you can see why I strongly believe this baby was a girl. In goes the wand, and as I noticed that the baby's heart had stopped, my heart skipped a beat and dropped. The Dr. looked for 30 minutes. He only looked so long for my sake. A heartbeat is something that is either there or not. Its not something that you have to "look" for. He grabbed my hands and said "I'm so sorry". I hadn't spotted or cramped or anything! He said that there was nothing I had to do right then and it was perfectly ok if I wanted to wait let nature take its course.

The following day I called my Reproductive Endrocrinologist Dr. and asked if he would do a scan for me just for 100% assurity that the baby's heart had stopped beating. I wanted to get a 2nd opinion and look at it on a different screen and machine. There on the screen clear as day...no heartbeat. He recommended me inserting these pills that would make things happen quickly instead of waiting it out because it could take up to as long as a month or more. Right then I thought, ok that's what I'm going to do. I even planned on taking them that Friday.

Between the appointment and that Friday I was so down and depressed and sad. "Why God, why again? I don't understand! Were those songs coincidence's? Was the Kaiya written in the sand picture that was sent to me from Hawaii minutes after taking that positive test a coincidence? Has every sign I believe You have sent me been a coincidence? The hearts in the clouds with the balloon release to Kaiya? The rainbows all over the sky that day she was born?" To believe so fully and to have found peace in all these things, I can't explain to you the hurt I felt believing that weren't true. I felt disconnect with Kaiya and with God. It was like being on such a high and then such a low. The night before I was to take the pills, I felt a strong urge not to take them. Infact there was no way I could have taken them. I remembered the song "Who knows what Miracles When you Believe" by Mariah Carey. This song was playing through my head as I was envisioning my upcoming baby shower when I was pregnant with the twins. This was the day before I learned about Kaiya. Suddenly I thought "God can do a miracle if He wants too". How can God get Glory out of all of this? One of the reasons I didn't want to share the news I was pregnant at first was because I thought "What if I miscarry, then people may lose faith". This was weighing heavily on me. At that moment I decided to post on facebook and ask everyone to please pray for a miracle. The miracle I asked for was that we may miracously see a heartbeat the following week. Below is the exact post I posted.
Tommorow is the day I planned on taking the pills to induce everything and I just can't bring myself to do it. I've decided to wait till Monday and have Dr take one more look. Anyone who wants to join me in asking God for a miracle that we may miraculously see a heartbeat again please do! I am prepared either way. Thank you all so much for your prayers thoughts and words. To God be the glory!!!
I didn't ask that the baby be healthy and carried to term. I simply asked to see a heartbeat. When I asked this I remembered how I prayed when I went through IVF with the twins. Believe it and it will be added to you...Believe it and it will be added to you. I believed deep down in the core of my heart that God could do this.

Fast foward 1 week later. Dr's office...in goes the wand, up comes the baby on the screen and right away the most beautiful sight I've ever seen...a flickering no doubt of a heartbeat!!!!!!!! I just started laughing. You could tell the Dr. didn't know what to make of this. His words were "In 26 years of practice I've never seen this before." That's God for you. "Who knows what miracles, when you BELIEVE". The baby had not grown and was still measuring 6 weeks 1 day. I knew that this was not a good sign and at that moment I was going to be ok with whatever was going to happen. God gave me the peace that day and the answer I needed. Below is the video of the miraculous miracle that He showed me that day.

As you can see there is no doubt a heartbeat.

The following week we went back for another ultrasound to see if the baby had grown. There was no growth in the baby and there was no heartbeat. The baby was still measuring 6 weeks 1day when it should be measuring 10 weeks. I was ok. My heart believed that my baby was in Heaven.God revealed that miracle the week before and answered my prayer to SHOW me-
-Kacey My plan is perfect for you
-none of this was a coincidence
-I planned this baby for you long ago, and she was always meant to be with me in Heaven
-He had bigger plans in Heaven where she was needed
-My Glory was revealed through her -You have another Angel watching over you
-I can perform miracles
-I am awesome in power and can do miraculous things
Thank you Lord for renewing my faith and making me whole. Thank you for this Baby. Thank you for the Hope you give me to meet her one day. I'm going to let you Sweet Jesus hold my babies til I can hold them again. Amen

This is Your Plan not mine and I trust You and love You.

I ended up choosing to let things happen naturally and I would have been 14 weeks when things finally happened, so it took 6 weeks after finding out our baby had passed until things happened. Im still testing very positive on a pregnancy test and will for a while they say until my levels drop. So I my body still thinks I'm pregnant! Weird. I'm holding onto Roman extra tight and every time I look at him I don't want to take my eyes off him. He is so beautiful. I am so thankful for my miracle on Earth and my miracles in Heaven.

You have to take each day as a gift. That's what I would say when I was pregnant. "Well I'm pregnant today so I will rejoice in that!" I've heard of 2 stories recently where the spouse has passed away so unexpectedly. No one knows what day will be your last so live each day as if it were! I strongly reccommend you reading his blog. It should be published! www.partofthemiracle.com
I relate to a paragraph he wrote. The truth is, this is my perfect life. We don't decide what is perfect because this life is eternal and God decides what is "perfect". We see things with human eyes, but God wants us to see Him in all His glory. I would not change a thing. I love my babies in Heaven and on Earth. I have so many blessings from God that it is truly beautiful. I have a love for my babies that is more beautiful than I could ever imagine. And my greatest blessing beyond is KNOWING without a doubt where my babies that didn't make it are now, I feel closer to God than I ever have and I know that will serve me well as I finish my life here on Earth.

Glory be to God and God alone!!!!!