She is HOME

Well today has come and almost gone. 1 year ago today was the worst day of my life. At 11:00 I was at my OB's office having a routine songoram on the twins when we learned Kaiya's heart had stopped beating. I will never forget this day or the minutes that slowly passed. The Lord has brought me so far since this day.

I started getting very emotional yesterday knowing that her 1 year Angelversary would be today. I owe it to everyone's prayers, that when I woke up this morning, I felt so at peace. I grabbed Roman and we went outside this morning and just sat in the sunlight beaming down on us. Kaiya is Home.

It was soon time for Roman's nap, and his nap happened to be the same hour of that sonogram appointment a year ago so instead of putting him in his crib, I wanted to hold him tight so he took his morning nap on my chest for 1.5 hours. I feel that I'm holding a piece of Heaven when I hold him tight to me. I feel Kaiya the most when I hold him tight to me. I don't know if its because he was so close to her in my belly, and they were both in my belly, so when I hold him tight to me it brings me back...Kaiya is Home.

The song "Praise You in This Storm" was playing thru my head all morning. "And as Your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away." I praise God because Kaiya is Home. None of us are Home yet. We are on a rest stop in this short life. God puts us all on this journey for a purpose. We have "choices" (hence Roman's middle name) in life, and these "choices" we make will determine if we make it to our Home God has prepared for us. The biggest choice is to Believe in the Lord our God. Simply believe. This is my Temporary home, it's not where I belong. I'm just passing through and we all are. I'm not afraid today or tommorow because this is my temporary home. Finances, materialistic things, jobs, none of it matters in the end. It is all temporary. What matters is where our permanent home is. Kaiya is Home.

Kaiya has been such a blessing to me. I have learned that if you allow God to, he will use you for a purpose. If you go to Him, you will have rest in your sould and have peace. If you have the Love for Him, you will in turn have hope. Kaiya's life proves that suffering gives way to glory. Tests and trials have a purpose and an end. Through my suffering, I have become more like Jesus and that is one purpose fulfilled. I know Kaiya has touched so many lives and strengthened so many people's faith. That is another purpose that has been fulfilled. Kaiya has made me so proud that I can call myself her mother. I truly believe that suffering is a product of Heaven. Kaiya is at ultimate rest and in her permanent Home. I will be with her again and once I'm Home with her it will be for eternity. Kaiya is Home.

For this today was more of a beautiful kind of day. So peaceful. I did find myself in tears a few times today, but they were not empty hearted tears...they were tears that felt good to cry. I feel Kaiya with me as well as the Holy Spirit with me. She will always be a part of me. During Roman's nap I spent the 1.5 in prayer. When I leave Roman with either grandparents, I probably call to check on him at least a few times a night, just to bring me comfort. I find myself doing the same thing to God. God is Kaiya's caretaker and she is in His presence. I know she is safe and happy and pefect there, but as her mother I believe this is one of the reason's my personal time with God has become so much more frequent and deep. This is another example of how she is my Angel on Earth and she is guiding me along the way and bringing me to the place God has prepared for me. Kaiya is Home.

Because of Kaiya, I am a better wife, sister, daughter, friend, and most of all MOTHER. I truly believe Kaiya was never meant to step foot on this earth. Her life was meant to leave and continue to leave footprints all over our hearts. I pray that she continues to guide others to the Lord. I will do my best as her mother to share her story, and as I've said before...God is the Author, I'm just the storyteller. I really am so incredibly blessed to be her mother. Kaiya's life is truly a testimony of God's unfailing love. I Praise you Jesus that Kaiya is Home by Your side.

Dustin, Roman, and I went to see Kaiya today on her Angelversary. My parents beat me to it and put out the most beautiful flowers on her grave with pink feathers in it. I got countless Kaiya Sky pictures sent to me yesterday and today. This also helped bring me so much peace. The sky was beautiful today. All day I wanted to see a heart in the sky or a rainbow. I never saw one, and when I got home I was looking at the video clip of the balloon release we did and sure enough plain as day there is a heart shaped cloud (looks just like Roman's birthmark that's a heart on his forehead) with the sun shining thru it right where our balloons are flying up to! The black spec you see is one of the balloons. I will try to upload the video later but the 1st picture is a picture of the video and shows the heart. Then I get home, and a friend that helped me through my ivf process, but that had no idea that it was Kaiya's Angelversary, texted me a picture of a double rainbow she saw today while driving!!! Simply Amazing. Thank you Lord :)Kaiya is Home.


I just now as in 10:46 pm 7/28/2011 looked back at the posts my sister put up on my blog for me during the week Kaiya went to Heaven. She ended her post with Romans 8:28-and we know that in all things God works for the good of those that love him. The last sentence she put was "we will praise you in this storm". I never remembered her putting that and that's been whats played in my head all day. I even put part of the verse on my facebook update today. I even played that song while Roman me and Dustin released our balloons to Kaiya today at her grave! Ok, enough goosebumps for the day....I've got to go to bed before my head explodes. Kaiya is Home-AMEN!


















Rest in Peace Sweet Kaiya Faith