The Sharp Knife of a Short Life

The song you hear playing is called "If I Die Young". Kaiya could have written this song herself! My mother in law showed up unannounced knocking on my door last week (which she NEVER does). She said you have to listen to this song. We popped the cd in and I could not believe the words. I started crying and chills covered my body. The lyrics are below. They could not be more on target of how we buried Kaiya. We buried her at dawn in pink satin and she was wearing a white dress. We laid her down on a bed of roses. There were rainbows (yes plural) surrouning my hospital and we could see them outside of my window on the day I gave birth to Roman and Kaiya.
"If I Die Young"

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh, uh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've
Never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there's a
Boy here in town who says he'll love me forever,
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life, well,
I've had, just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls

"Life ain't always what you think its gonna be, sure is grey when you bury your baby"


"And I'll be wearin' White when I come into Your Kingdom"

"Bury me in Satin"

"At Dawn"

"With the words of a love song"

"Save your tears"




"I'll shine down on my mother" This picture gives me chills. It is just not right for a father to have to walk his daughter to her grave when he dreams of walking her down the Aisle...although you can see our Father's light shining down on us. He is always with us and so is she.





"Buried my Baby"
"The Sharp Knife of a Short Life"
A Kaiya Sky




"Lay me Down on a Bed of Roses"
Kaiya's sweet little feet with our wedding rings.
Roman's adorable feet with our wedding rings.
"Lord Make me a Rainbow I'll shine down on my Mother, She'll know I'm safe with You when she stands under my colors" This is 1 of the rainbows (yes plural) that was outside my hospital window the day I gave birth to Roman and Kaiya.
This was another one. Yes it IS a double rainbow!!! How awesome is our God?!

She had just enough time. Her testimony reveals God's Unfailing Love. What more can you ask for?

Those rainbows gave me peace in knowing that she was safe under His colors. She was shining down on me that day as I was holding her lifeless body. Nothing else can explain the peace and comfort I had while holding her. My mother in law also lost a baby girl when she was 6 months pregnant. Her name was Angel Anne. It's as if our Angels wrote this song and sent it to us! Needless to say at least once a day I hold Roman and hold his little hand and put my cheek next to his while listening to this song and he loves it to. I feel closer to Kaiya when I hold him close like this. It's like I never want to let him go and I hold him close and tight to me.

I recently was at a funeral and they recited the Poem "The Dash". This poem spoke to me, and immediately I thought of my sweet Kaiya. Though she never walked a foot on this Earth and her time here was so short...her purpose was still fulfilled. Its not about how long you are on this Earth, what matters is what you do on this Earth and the lives you touch. She touched thousands of lives and her testimony is evidence of God's unfailing love. For that I am so thankful. I customized the peom below for her.

There was a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a baby
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came her date of her birth
And spoke the following date with tears
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years

For that dash stands for all the time
That she spent alive in her mother's belly.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;
The cars the house the cash
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

We'd be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy is being read
With your lifes actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

That dash stands for all the time
That you spent alive on earth
And only those who loved you
Know what that little line is worth

It matters not how much you own
The cars the house the cash
What matters is how you live and love
And how you spend your dash

I really believe Roman has been seeing Kaiya or another Angel. He has started to LOVE being in his crib alone. I have a video/sound monitor so I can watch him, and recently he has been cracking up laughing straight above his head and what looks like nothing but I believe it is something only innocent eyes can see. He also laughs to himself when he's riding in his carseat. Hmmmmm we can only wonder.

Another friend that I have not seen or spoken to in 10 years sent me a message on facebook. It read
Kacey-Just wanted to let you know...You are an amazing person and have touched all of our lives, in ways you will never know. At work, with some help of others, I was able to raise over $9,000.00 from a golf tournament. That is the portion that March of Dimes will be recieving on behalf of Bank of America. You are truly an inspiration, and hopefully next year I can make it bigger and better!!

How awesome is that?!

So many people have sent beautiful skies to me during the last few weeks. I love to share this with everyone! This beautiful picture my cousing Amber sent me and it was taken over highway I-20. I wonder how many people missed it just because they didn't "look up"?

My cousing Amber sent this to me.

Amy Rodriguez sent me this awesome picture.

My sister Whitney took this and sent it to me. It looks like a pink Angel. People say it reminds them of the pink clouds in my nursery.

Aydia and Elijah visited Kaiya's grave last week and took her some flowers.

Aydia wanted to share her popcorn :) She loves Kaiya so much. Whitney said the other night her prayer was "Dear God, please let Kaiya out of Heaven". Oh the sweetness of an innocent heart.

Jennifer Faulkenberry sent this to me.

Jennifer Faulkenberry sent this to me on mothers day. Mothers Day I woke up so excited and found it hard to fight back the tears! I dreamed of the day I would be a mother on mothers day. We also got to dedicate Roman to the Lord on Mothers Day. That morning I was thinking of Kaiya in Heaven and how she was already dedicated to our Fathers Arms. My friend who's little girl was born still in January sent me this letter "from Kaiya" on Mothers Day.

Hi, Momma!
Happy Mother's Day! I know you wish I could be down there with you to tell you this in person, but if you saw this place, you would never want me to leave. I think you are the best mommy God could have ever given me! You managed to do what most moms never have to do. You fit a lifetime of love in a very short time span.... Before the world even knew about me, you knew I was there in your tummy. You watched and felt me grow inside you and you witnessed my entrance into this world. Unlike most mommies, though, you also witnessed my exit out of this world. You are a very strong person and I''m so proud of how you have let my presence in your life touch you deeply. You have found ways to remember me and your love has always been felt by me. I love you very much and I can't wait til we can be together again but until then...Happy Mother's Day to the Best mommy in the World!
Your beautiful Angel,
Kaiya Faith

It was so sweet of my friend to think of me on Mothers Day when her heart must have been hurting.

My sister Haley sent me this picture.

Jenny Terrell sent me this while she was at the Rangers Ballpark.

A girl I went to highschool with and haven't seen or talked to in years sent me this amazing picture of a rainbow just the other day! Is it just me or can you make out a face in the clouds at the top of the rainbow? I'd like to think that's my Kaiya shining down on me letting me know she's safe under His colors :)

Kasey Duckett sent this to me. You can even see a lightening bolt in the picture!

Kelly Terrell sent this to me.

I took this outside of my house.

I was rocking Roman in the nursery and took a picture of Kaiya's picture above the doorway because I could feel her prescense and look what showed up in the picture!? A cross! God letting me know she is in good hands with her Fathers Love.

Here is another shot of it.

Melissa Davenport sent me this.

Nicole Clark sent me this.

Sarah Journey Page sent me this beautiful rainbow.

Sedric and Melissa Neal took this. She said when they looked up at the sky at the same time they said "That's a Kaiya Sky" How cool is that?! These are some of Dustin's friends who we haven't seen or talked to in at least 8 years. Goes to show you how many lives Kaiya touched.

Amanda Tuzzolino sent me this.

My sister Whitney sent me this one and all the other ones after it. She has always found beauty in the Sky and Clouds and even has more of a desire to "look up" because of her Angel Neice.






Whitney said this cross showed up in her picture as she was thinking "I wonder if other people are looking at God's beauty in the sky?"

Here is another shot of it.

"Don't forget to LOOK UP!"